


Drink, Drank, Drunk

by intoapuddle



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Anal, College!AU, M/M, bottom!Darren, crisscolfer, glee rpf - Freeform, top!Chris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 06:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoapuddle/pseuds/intoapuddle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU in which Joey and Darren end up at the same party as one Chris Colfer. Pairing: CrissColfer (warnings: drunk-sex/mild dub-con)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darren couldn't remember the last time he'd been sober. He was going on a partying streak like never before, since sobering up always felt so out of touch with memories coming and the regrets that followed. Darren and his equally booze-enthusiastic friend Joey had pondered upon this idea as they woke up from a drunken haze the morning after, while in their PJ's, still pretty drunk and binge-eating doritos. In that moment they had decided, from what Darren's now very cloudy memory could recall, that instead of drinking Minute Maid's apple juice and swallowing aspirins, they would take another shot of that stingy gin.

Darren tried to remember if that had been one or two nights ago, but the question vanished from his mind as soon as it had come when Joey approached him, a bottle of tequila in one hand and a drunken grin plastered on his face.

"Dude, how did we even get to this college party?" Darren asked. His wheezy laugh drowned in the loud bass-beat that seemed to shake the entire building.

"I don't even know which school these people go to, man," Joey answered and put an arm around Darren's shoulder. "I don't know if we're fucking genius or like, fucking stupid."

"The hangover tomorrow will probably provide us with that answer," Darren giggled.

Joey took a step from him then, put both his hands on either of Darren's shoulders and looked into his eyes very seriously.

"No, dude," he said, not breaking eye contact (which Darren thought was impressive for someone as drunk as Joey). "We've got this. We found the cure to all hangovers- dude!"

Darren raised his eyebrows and stopped letting his eyes fleet away to whatever the fuck seemed interesting in his drunken state and listened to his roommate.

"What?"

"Are you sobering up?" Darren laughed at that, but stopped as Joey slapped him loosely on the cheek. "You need more booze."

"I- I think you're the one sobering up by now," Darren answered. "But yeah, more booze, man. Keep it coming."

Joey left him at that sentiment, and Darren slopped down on a couch next to a couple of girls with their tongues down each other's throats. He watched them for a bit, but not even that drunk could he help but see through their sexually experimental seek for attention and find them hot. They kept looking at him while making out, which was very distracting in his on the verge of-nauseated state, so instead he closed his eyes. For just a moment.

"Darren!"

"What?"

Joey was back with two cups of… something, and handed one of them to Darren.

"You're sitting next to two chicks making out and you fucking fall asleep?" Joey then grinned and plopped down next to him, raising his glass in a subtle 'cheers'. "Man, sometimes I forget that you're just as straight as any other theatre major in college."

Darren took a gulp of whatever was in the cup, scrunching up his face as the booze burned in his throat. He coughed wheezily, and felt a new wave of alcohol entering his nerves and fogging up his vision.

"Straight," Darren snorted. "I fucking hate that word. I'm not into labels."

"Whatever, man," Joey laughed. "You always say that when you're drunk, and then when you're sober you suddenly only get boners for the ladies. Or, y'know, Lauren."

"Lauren Lopez is not a lady," Darren objected, feeling his thoughts turning into confusing knots inside his head.

"You should know, buddy. You fucked her."

"Y- yeah. Now if you'll excuse me," Darren finished his drink by downing the last mouthful and very gracefully missing the coffee-table when he put down the cup and instead discarding it into where the fuck ever. "I'm going to dance."

He stood up and bowed with equal amount of grace and Joey saluted him, his eyes then fixating on the girls sitting next to him, though they weren't at all as up in each other's business as before when people stopped paying attention to them.

"Fucking knew it," Darren mumbled to himself as he made his way out of the smoky stoners-pit that was the living room and entered a room with fog rolling up the walls and different lights flicking so intensively it surely possessed the power to trigger an epileptic seizure, all to the rhythm of heavy party music playing loudly. He started dancing by himself in the crowded room loosely, feeling limbs loosening up further and nerves disappearing. He hadn't even realized he had any, but he could feel a smile creeping up on his face as they went away and all he could feel was this euphoric sensation tickling inside his chest. At this point he just couldn't not dance, and ended up breaking into a mixture of hip hop, ballet and whatever else he could come up with.

"What are you doing?" he suddenly heard someone shout in his ear. Darren turned his head in the direction of the sound to be met by a couple of squinting eyes, a wide smile and a doughy little nose in the middle. From this, all Darren could register was that this guy was sober, and gay.

"You're sober," Darren said, the flicking lights and loud music becoming annoying. They started dancing together.

"I'm Chris," his newfound buddy said. "And yes, I am pretty sober."

Chris laughed nervously and Darren returned the smile.

"You're gay." At this point the border between what Darren thought and what Darren said was broken, and he decided to not take responsibility for anything coming out of his mouth by now.

"That's true," Chris said, putting his arms on top of Darren's shoulders and swaying his hips in rhythm with the music.

They danced like that for a little bit, Darren closing the space between them by putting his hands on Chris hips. He enjoyed this company. This company was sober, clean and smelled like freshly poured rain on new, hot asphalt. Quite a difference from the company he usually kept at parties like these.

"Sorry for not being as observant as you, but are you gay?" Chris blurted out.

Darren smiled again, nuzzling his face into the crook of the stranger's neck.

"I'm not into labels," he said and wrapped his arms around Chris back. He just couldn't get over that scent. Chris let his arms fall to his sides and creep up around Darren's back as well.

"You smell so fucking good. Like, I don't know, it's just so good."

Chris didn't answer. He just kept still with Darren, and after what seemed like only a second he was ripped away from this new, warm person that he didn't want to let go of.

"Sorry about my friend," he heard Joey's voice say. "He's really fucking drunk."

"Yeah, I got that," Chris soft voice suddenly got a sharp edge to it. "Don't worry. I wasn't going to… do anything bad."

"He's not gay," Joey said. "He just thinks he is when he's drunk."

Darren wasn't going to have this conversation again.

"Whatever, Joey," he said, but as he looked up a sudden flash of light stinging his eyes cut him off. The fog and sweat on the dance floor was suddenly so far away. "Wait, where-"

"You passed out on the dance floor," Chris interrupted him. Darren raised his eyebrows. He was kneeling in front of a toilet seat in a bathroom, Joey on one side of him and Chris on the other. He was surprised at how clean the toilet was. Nothing inside of it but clear water. No cigarette butts, no vomit, no nothing. Darren wasn't sure he was at the same party anymore.

"We thought you were going to throw up," Joey said. "I'm going back to the party now. Like, I'm getting with this chick. Chris called cab for you to go home."

Darren opened his mouth to protest.

"You look like shit, dude," Joey interrupted him. "You need to sleep or, take a shower or something. I'll be home when you wake up."

Darren just nodded at that. Joey left and closed the door around him. Chris got up and locked it.

Darren sat, his back to the bathroom wall and his face in his hands. He felt himself sobering up more for every second going by.

"Here, have some water," Chris said and he downed it in a second. Water always felt so silky smooth when drunk. No taste, no burning.

"I haven't called a cab, by the way," Chris said. He was sitting on the toilet seat just watching Darren. Darren didn't know whether to be alarmed or flattered by his sudden interest in him. He was happy he wasn't alone. And he liked to be in a somewhat quiet, clean place with a person that smelled like spring.

"Why not?" Darren looked up now, catching Chris' eyes and they both smiled. He noticed Chris right hand was resting on top of his crotch. His eyes became fixated on it.

"Come here."

Darren moved in front of Chris, who leaned down, putting one hand in Darren's curly hair and forcing their lips together. Chris tasted like mint toothpaste and he couldn't get enough of the taste. Their tongues danced together softly, the only sound in the room being the quiet smack of their lips as they changed angles. Darren let his mouth roam over Chris defined jaw line, scratching his teeth against it softly as he heard Chris breath hitch up. He felt hands remove him from there, realizing it was Chris' hands on the sides of his face. He looked into his eyes, and smiled a little. It was nice how he could just kiss someone like this. Darren liked kissing. Chris eyes changed, though.

"I want you to blow me," Chris said.

Darren smiled wider. Now he was flattered. "Really?"

"Yes," Chris said. "God, yes. I want you to suck my cock."

"Okay," Darren said, and his curious hand moving to join Chris right hand that was still resting on top of his crotch. It was hard.

"Jeez," Darren mumbled. "Thanks."

Chris laughed airily and buckled up his belt and pulled down the zipper on his tight jeans. Darren wasn't going to tease. He had done this quite a lot and enjoyed it, and he knew that he himself didn't like to be kept waiting. Not during moments like this. He pulled out Chris cock and started rubbing it, up and down, his hand familiar with the touch. Chris kept exhaling loudly, his hips bucking up to the touch of his hand. Darren quickened the pace, until Chris started moaning.

"Mouth," Chris breathed.

Darren replaced his hand with his mouth. There was this peculiar feeling to having a fully erected cock inside your mouth. Darren bobbed his head up and down it sloppily, Chris groaning and moaning appreciatively as he did. His cock sometimes missed Darren's mouth as it kept going in and out of it, and ended up slapping him on the cheek or sometimes just rubbing against it. Darren enjoyed that, he enjoyed Chris cock all up in his face and mouth. Chris suddenly stopped the pace they'd worked out by putting his hands in Darren's hair and slowly moving his cock further down his throat, until Darren's nose breathed in the little hairs on Chris lower stomach. As long as he could breath from his nose, Darren was fine with deep throat. Chris seemed to like it as well, and he moaned and bucked his hips very carefully with Darren's mouth all around his cock. As he released Darren from his grip, Darren so surprised by the sudden loss of pressure to the back of his head he let go of all of Chris dick. He was just about to start sucking him again when Chris hand was in the way, jerking himself off. Darren sat there awkwardly, watching him moan and sweat and buck his hips into his own hands. It was pretty hot.

"Do you like cum?" Chris asked eventually. When Darren didn't answer he spoke again.

"I want you to eat my come."

Darren just opened his mouth at the end of Chris throbbing dick. It was really, really fully erected by now. Sprinting high and proud in the air, entirely red, before Chris hand directed it to Darren's mouth. Before Darren knew it wads of cum were shot into his mouth, as Chris moaned loudly, his hand going incredibly fast over his cock. Darren took all of it into his mouth until Chris was finished, and he swallowed.

"Was it good?" Darren smiled, and licked his still cum coated lips.

Chris breathed heavily, body sprawled upon the toilet seat and looked down on Darren.

"Yes," Chris said.

Darren stood up at that and looked at himself in the mirror. He really was sobering up, even though he looked like the opposite. His curly hair was in an embarrassing mess, his face had red marks all over it from Chris cock rubbing and slapping against it. Chris appeared behind him, his hands placed upon Darren's hips in a firm grip. As if to claim him.

"So… do you always abuse drunk straight guys?" he asked, looking into Chris eyes in the mirror.

Chris laughed.

"Not necessarily," he said. "Sometimes they're gay."

Darren turned around and gave Chris lips a quick peck before he created some distance between them.

"I should be heading home," Darren said. "Can we-…"

"I put my number in your phone if you ever want me to return the favor."

Darren closed his mouth and smiled, and left without saying a word.


	2. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darren awakes with no memory of his and Chris night together. Joey isn't late to remind him, though.

Darren had woken up with the worst hangover of his life. It stuck with him for two days. Hours during which he regretted every shot he'd had, and every beer Joey had managed to convince him would "keep him fun".

Darren as of right now was not fun at all, and to top it all off Joey didn't seem to be even remotely affected by having been drunk for days himself.

"Dude, you're totally exaggerating," he grinned when Darren was lying down on the floor, too hot and too cold.

His head was throbbing and his mouth, even though he'd brushed his teeth, still tasted like shit.

"I'm. In. Pain."

Darren stared up at Joey, but opening his eyes hurt too, so he closed them again and whined pathetically. He could sense Joey rolling his eyes at him.

"Fuck you," Darren groaned as he rolled onto his stomach. The change of position made him feel a little better for a couple seconds, so he decided to use them to keep scolding Joey. "This is all your fault."

"My fault?" Joey laughed. "You should thank me. I saved you from going home with that dude."

Darren froze, looking up at Joey slowly, eyes widening.

"You don't remember?" Joey asked, smiling incredulously. He shook his head. "Of course you don't remember."

Darren felt his heart beat harder inside his chest, and he sat up, feeling antsy. Fuck. He hated this feeling. He felt so out of control. He could feel his brain start working on over-drive, trying to piece together some parts of the night that would involve this  _"dude"_  Joey was referring to.

"Hey, chill." Joey actually looked sympathetic. "You guys didn't do anything."

Darren shook his head and crawled over to Joey, heaving himself up on the couch and stretched his legs on top of Joey's lap. Joey didn't even say anything, he just shot Darren a disapproving glance.

"Okay," Darren said slowly, starting to come back from his initial state of panic. "Was he hot, at least?"

Joey grinned. "He wasn't too shabby, I gotta admit. He was seriously all over you for a while there. And you didn't seem to mind." He winked at Darren, who groaned. He felt his cheeks heat up.

"How did you get him to stop, though?" he asked. "Please tell me you didn't fight him or something."

"Well, actually I found you two making out on the dance floor," Joey said. "And I'm talking serious make-out, like, you were groping each other and shit. Then when you saw me you looked like you were about to pass out, so we took you to the bathroom and..."

Joey stopped suddenly. He broke eye contact with Darren, looking off into the distance with an unreadable expression.

"And...?" Darren asked, getting nervous again.

"And then I left you there," he said, as if he didn't believe what he was saying. "I left you alone with him because I had been chatting up this girl and..."

Darren sat up straight, mouth hanging open. He felt more sober than he had in a week, and suddenly flashes of memory started hitting him. He remembered.. He remembered hands in his hair, dark eyes looking down at him, the sound of whimpers and a low voice asking him to eat his come.

Darren stood up, facing away from Joey. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged. His eyes closed and he felt a wave of embarrassment flood him.

"I'm sorry," Joey said, but his voice seemed far-away. Darren felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn't turn around. "I was really fucking drunk, too, man. Maybe you didn't do-"

"Yes, we did," Darren snapped and turned around, face feeling hot and heart beating harshly. "I sucked his dick, man. I remember now."

They stared at each other heatedly for two long, serious moments.

Then they both burst out laughing.

They didn't stop for a while.

Darren was clutching his stomach, face scrunched up in a pained expression from his stinging cheeks, but his body was still convulsing with laughter. He could barely breathe. Both him and Joey had passed the point of releasing sounds except for the occasional small whimper escaping their throats. Joey had tears running down his cheeks.

"Fuck you," Darren managed through the laughter. They were on the floor by now, their heads swimming woozily from lack of oxygen. He punched Joey's shoulder lazily.

"We're never doing that again, okay?" Joey said as the laughter died down. "No more getting drunk several nights in a row."

"Agreed," Darren nodded.

Joey stretched his arms behind his back, and they fell silent for a few moments. Joey checked his phone, and looked up at Darren before he stood up.

"Are you gonna head out?" Darren asked.

"Yup," Joey said, a big grin widening on his face again. "I have a date."

"Asshole," Darren scolded. "Leaving me with my hangover."

"You don't seem hungover, dude." Joey quirked an eyebrow. "You were cured by laughter."

Darren was just about to disagree and start whining about his everlasting headache when he realized Joey was right. He wasn't in pain anymore. He hadn't even thought about nausea since they'd mentioned the guy he'd gotten it on with.

"You know I'm right," Joey smirked as he walked away to the hall. He put on his jacket, looking back at Darren. "And I'm leaving. Don't jack off to the thought of cock in your mouth while I'm gone."

"Fuck you!" Darren called from the living room floor.

Joey flipped him off just before he closed the door behind him, and Darren got on his feet, stretching out his body. He felt re-born like one does after having felt like shit for about a week.

To be honest, Darren wasn't too upset about sucking that guy's cock. It hadn't been his first time. He'd even done it sober once.

Yes, finding out about doing that kind of stuff when drunk two days later was close to terrifying, but Darren figured that it could've been worse. From what he could recall the stranger had been very sweet to him. He remembered how good he smelled. He had some fruity cologne which at the same time managed to be musky and masculine. His hands had felt good in Darren's hair.

Fuck. Darren had gotten turned on. He'd gotten  _so_ turned on.

Darren had a history of hooking up with guys when drunk. He always dismissed it as 'college experimenting' and whenever people brought it up when he was sober, he assured them that it meant nothing because he was, in fact, straight. He felt like he needed to assure everyone of that.

But in all honesty, Darren wasn't certain. He didn't like to label himself. Maybe it was his San Francisco upbringing that made him so free-spirited, maybe it was just the way he was, but in a world where you had to be either one thing or the other, it all just ended up confusing him.

That was why Darren, when he scrolled through the contacts on his phone and found this dude's, Chris, number, decided to send him a text. He didn't want to be confused anymore.

_You owe me._

That was what he'd said, right? "If you ever want me to return the favor". Darren needed a favor right now. A sober guy-on-guy hook up might just set his thoughts straight.

A couple of days went by with no response. Darren went about with his life as it used to be, going to class and spending too much time playing video games and watching stupid TV-shows with his friends instead of studying for tests. Joey found it hilarious to tell everyone about their little drunk crusade from the weekend before, but he left out the part with Darren and Chris. He probably felt way worse about the whole ordeal than Darren originally suspected.

Around noon that friday, when Darren was in a particularly mind-numbing lecture about acting history, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

_Hello, 444 2324601... If that **is**  your real name._

It was Chris. Fuck. It was Chris. But Darren only smirked.

_My name is actually Darren, and you're avoiding the real issue here, Chris._

After five minutes, Darren was fairly certain that Chris wasn't going to answer for another two days, but then his phone vibrated with a new message again.

_Oh, it's you. Didn't think you'd try to get in touch._

Darren used one hand to try to cover the conversation from Lauren and Joey who were sitting by his sides, as he typed out his response.

_Yeah? How come?_

_Didn't your buddy say something about you being straight when you're sober?_

Darren felt his cheeks flush, but decided to ignore the real question at hand.

_How do you know I'm sober?_

_It's 12:30 pm. If you weren't sober I'd be worried._

_Aw._

_Come on. So, you're looking for a hook-up, then?_

Woah. This guy was straight forward. He'd probably done this before. Darren couldn't blame him though. College was probably a great time for gay guys who wanted to get it on with as many people as they could.

Darren decided to quit playing around and just go with it.

_Pretty much._

_Got any plans tonight?_

_Well, now I do. Where should we do this?_

_Your place? You can't get any privacy in my dorm._

Darren would have preferred doing this somewhere other than his place, but then again this was safer. In case Chris wasn't who he thought he was.

_I think we could arrange that. I'm at the University of Michigan. We could meet up at the entrance and I'll show you to my place._

_8pm?_

_You got it._

Darren felt oddly satisfied when the back and forth texting was over. They had a time and a place, and they were going through with this. When he looked up from his phone, there was only ten minutes left of the lecture, and their teacher was beginning to round things up.

He nudged Joey, who was staring off into the distance with an expression of pure disinterest on his face, in the side. He jumped, startled at the touch, but looked at Darren.

"I need our place tonight," Darren whispered conspiratorially.

Joey grinned.

"Having someone over, are we?" he asked.

Darren just smiled.

"No problem, man," Joey said. "I'm going out with Brian and Lauren, anyway. I can crash at theirs' afterwards."

Darren formed his hands into heart-halves and pushed them together against his chest with a cheesy smile on his face. Joey rolled his eyes, but squeezed Darren's shoulder. He thought they would leave it at that, but Darren had no such luck.

Right after the teacher had dismissed the class and people were getting off their seats, Joey started to pry.

"Is it Denice, or is that over?" he asked.

"Oh, come on, Dare," Lauren said, exasperated, who had obviously 'accidentally' overheard their conversation. "Not Denice. Please, not Denice."

Darren turned around and stared at Lauren. He smushed a shushing finger against her lips. Some of Denice's friends were taking this class and he wasn't about to make that mistake again. Thankfully, Lauren and Joey knew to keep their mouths shut until they were outside of the crowded lecture-hall.

"Come on, spill," Joey said, not letting another minute pass without knowing the explicit detail of Darren's plans.

"Calm down, perverts," Darren groaned, but they just chuckled. "I wouldn't say it's over, but I haven't seen her in a couple weeks."

"Thank God," Lauren said.

"So it's not her?" Joey asked.

"No," Darren re-assured, and Lauren put her hand up for a high-five. Darren reluctantly slapped it.

"It's just a hook-up, though. Nothing serious."

"Mhm," Joey said. "You can be all mysterious now, but sooner or later we will have details, okay?"

Darren nodded agreeably, but the truth was that he wasn't sure whether or not he'd actually tell them the truth about tonight. It was just a night for finding stuff out, and that was it.

Another message vibrated in his pocket just as he tried to convince himself of that. He picked up his phone, hiding the screen from Lauren and Joey, who had thankfully got talking about something else and wasn't paying attention to Darren anymore.

_Really looking forward to tonight, hottie. If you suck cock that well that drunk I can't even imagine how tonight will turn out._

Darren felt a wave of arousal rush through him. His face flushed a shade darker, and he had to subtly readjust himself in his pants. He decided not to respond to the text at all. His heart was beating too nervously in his chest, so whatever he wrote now would definitely come out cheesy and ill-executed.

Instead, Darren just closed his eyes for a moment, silently willing the remaining hours until tonight to go by faster.

Fifteen minutes to eight PM, it occurred to Darren that Chris might not be at all like he remembered. When they first met, Darren had been so drunk that he would have forgotten the whole thing if Joey hadn't mentioned it. What if his memory was altered? What if Chris wasn't this sweet, innocent guy just looking for some consensual sex? Joey had obviously told Chris to stay away, and he hadn't listened to him. Then again, Chris had also gone with them when Darren was about to pass out. What kind of person does that with a drunk stranger? Chris was either a really nice person, or just extremely desperate.

Darren was standing in front of the mirror in the hall staring at his expression for a moment, feeling torn. He didn't have to go through with this. He barely remembered what Chris looked like. He just knew that he was taller, slim but muscular, and that his nose was doughy and adorable. Darren smiled fondly at the memory, and that was what ultimately convinced him that meeting up with Chris was a good idea. If he seemed suspicious he didn't  _have_ to bring him over. This was all about harmless, good fun, and if Chris didn't give off that impression, Darren could just leave. Everything was going to be  _fine._

There wasn't a lot of people around campus at eight pm friday night. If Chris didn't look at all like Darren remembered, he would have been able to guess that the lonely guy standing in front of the school-entrance was him, anyway.

But, as Darren approached, he realized Chris pretty much did look like he remembered. His hair was styled into a messy quiff on his head, his arms wrapped securely around himself. He was wearing a pair of loose, blue jeans and a brown leather jacket. Even from a distance, Darren could tell that Chris had a rocking body. He carried himself so well, even just as he was standing casually. Darren found himself fantasizing about running his lips along Chris defined jaw-line.

Chris noticed him when Darren was about ten meters away. He smiled and waved a little, and walked up to him. Darren stopped when they were face to face, and smiled back nervously.

"Hi," he said, and because he didn't know what else to do he put out his hand. "Darren."

Chris quirked an eyebrow and smirked. Hot. But he took Darren's hand.

"Chris," he said with a short nod. "We have met before, you know."

He looked at Darren with an expression of  _and I know exactly what you look like on your knees taking it,_ which was completely justified, but it made Darren want to squirm where he was standing. He wasn't uncomfortable really. He was nervous, because Chris clearly had the upper hand here. Which also was extremely hot.

"Yeah," Darren chuckled and retrieved his hand. They started walking towards the dorms. "I barely remember last weekend, though."

"Too bad," Chris said. "I'd love to make a re-enactment of it tonight. But we could do some role-reversal, since I'm supposed to return the favor."

He winked, actually winked, at Darren. Darren felt his breath hitch, and he swallowed slowly, eyes darting. Chris gaze was assured, though, looking straight at Darren. Darren was already half-hard.

"Y-yeah," Darren stuttered, feeling completely stupid. "Uh, so, Chris, you... You go to college here as well?"

Chris chuckled. The laughter was high and airy, and suddenly a memory from last weekend flashed before Darren's eyes. It was cloudy, but he could distinctly remember that chuckle from when Chris had tried to seduce him last time. It calmed Darren's nerves a little bit, and seeing Chris smile definitely eased some of the tension for the moment.

"I do," he said. "I'm majoring in screenwriting, with drama as a minor. What about you?"

They were at the dorm now, and Darren unlocked the door, walking inside with Chris.

"Majoring in acting," he said. "I guess that's why I haven't seen you around. Drama-majors and minors usually don't get that much time together."

"It's a shame, really," Chris said, still so fucking sure of himself. When Darren looked back at him, an incredulous smile on his face, Chris continued. "I would have snatched you much earlier in that case."

Darren rolled his eyes. This was getting ridiculous.

"So you think you have me, huh?" he asked, feeling his heart beat harder.

Chris put a hand on his shoulder as they were walking, stopping them. They had two doors left until they were at Darren and Joey's apartment, but Chris apparently couldn't wait. He squeezed at Darren's shoulder, and Darren just looked up at him, not knowing what to say. Chris eyes were downright magnetic when looking at Darren now, staring him down demandingly, the corners of his lips turning up.

"You did text me back, didn't you?" he teased lowly. His other hand landed on Darren's waist, and okay, Darren was definitely hard now.

Darren just swallowed, mouth opening to release a held-in breath, and Chris, seeing it as an invitation, leaned down to kiss him.

Darren's hands went to clutch at Chris sides as he kissed back hungrily. Chris cupped his face, hips bucking forward against Darren's crotch. Darren groaned lowly. He could feel the outline of Chris hard cock against his.

"My room," Darren whimpered pathetically against Chris lips just when Chris was starting to lick into his mouth.

Chris didn't let it discourage him. He kept licking until he found Darren's tongue, and Darren was practically melting into the kiss, skin puckering.

"Well, show me there, then," Chris murmured, voice still deliciously low and challenging.

Darren pulled back, feeling as if his face was beat-red. Chris looked so fucking composed, it wasn't fair. Darren took a deep breath and detached his body from Chris, taking a few steps until they were at his door. He willed his hand not to shake as he picked up the key-ring. He managed it pretty well as long as he wasn't looking at how Chris looked when he was slumping casually against the wall, holding himself up on one leg, staring at Darren as if he was about to devour him.

They got inside the apartment, and Chris kicked the door closed. Darren hanged his jacket on a hanger as Chris shrugged out of his. He was only wearing a white, loose v-neck T-shirt beneath. Darren bit his lip as his eyes unashamedly went to stare at Chris flat chest. He could make out his pecs and abs through the shirt, leaving practically nothing to the imagination. It was so hot.

Chris closed the distance between them again and kissed Darren with purpose, pulling back too soon.

"Didn't your mom teach you how rude it is to stare?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

"She never prepared me for you," Darren answered dumbly, and he stared back at Chris bright-blue eyes.

Chris gaze altered slightly at that, going fond, and Darren could actually make out a faint blush on his cheeks as he smiled.

"I mean," Darren coughed, blushing harder than Chris. "Fuck, I don't know."

He chuckled, embarrassed. This was a guy-on-guy experimental meet-up, but Darren could obviously not keep from saying things that were undoubtedly date-y. Chris probably thought he was lame, but if he did, he didn't mention it. He just kissed Darren again, still smiling, and Darren let him.

After kissing for a moment, Darren took a hold of Chris wrist and pulled him towards the bedroom. Chris didn't break the kiss as they walked, and they stumbled into each other stupidly every once in a while, but the kisses felt too good to break. Darren only pulled back when they were at the threshold of his bedroom.

"Unless you prefer the bathroom," he said, smiling teasingly, and Chris laughed that airy, turned on laugh that Darren was filing away in his mind as one of the hottest sounds ever.

Chris just shook his head and walked into the bedroom, arms wrapping around Darren's waist as they kissed, tongues sliding together wetly and shuddering breaths of arousal trading between the two.

Darren closed the door and sat down on the bed with Chris. For all the time they weren't kissing, they kept touching. A hand on Darren's waist, fingers threading together, and now, as they were half-laying on the bed, their legs entwined. Darren licked back into Chris mouth, his stomach fluttering with arousal and the giddiness of having someone touch him like Chris was.

Chris pulled back for a moment to kiss Darren's neck, his teeth barely scratching, but just enough. Darren whined needly.

"You're so fucking hot," Chris groaned, his hand palming out on top of Darren's chest, clawing softly. "Just taking everything. Just as pliant and agreeable as when you were drunk."

Darren swallowed, almost ashamed, but Chris said the words with admiration. He could feel Chris hard-on through his jeans against his hip. He kissed Chris lips, whining again.

"Do you need more?" Chris asked, hand traveling downwards, tugging at the waistband of Darren's jeans. "I can give it to you. Whatever you want."

Darren nodded. "Yes. Please."

Darren blinked up at Chris who smiled at him, and tugged off that white v-neck, revealing his flawlessly muscled chest, shoulders and stomach. Darren bit his lip, but discarded his t-shirt as well and went to unzip his pants and pull them off. Chris put his hands over Darren's, though, just as he was about to push them down.

"Let me," was all he said, and curled his fingers around the waistband and pulled them down as Darren ground his hips up as assistance.

Once Darren's pants were off, Chris pulled off his jeans as well. Darren could make out the bulge of his erection so much better now, and he groaned inwardly. Darren was definitely not all straight. He couldn't be. Not when Chris looked the way he looked, said the things he said and-

Oh. Chris was mouthing at Darren through his boxers now, nuzzling his face into his thigh and sucking at the soft, tender skin there. Darren spread his legs further, feeling his legs tremble with need. Chris palmed Darren's cock and squeezed it over his underwear.

"Ah," Darren gasped, stuttering wordlessly.

"Can I suck you?" Chris asked, his hand still rubbing over Darren's ever-growing erection deliciously.

"Yes," Darren said, and he let out an incredulous chuckle. "Please, fuck."

Chris grinned.

"Well, I had to check," he explained with a smile, and he looked up into Darren's eyes.

He was so incredibly gorgeous, lying on his stomach between Darren's legs like he belonged there. Darren released a breath.

"You're very much allowed," he said, sharing the smile, and Chris wasted no more time.

He pulled Darren's boxers down his legs slowly, twisted them off his heel and threw them on the floor casually. He crawled back onto his stomach between Darren's thighs. He made sure to keep eye-contact with Darren as he flattened his tongue out on the heel of his hand and licked a wide stripe up it slowly, practically drenching it in saliva, and Darren felt his cock twitch at the sight. Chris licked his lips and wrapped his hand around the base of Darren's cock, stroking up the shaft.

Darren's eyes shut involuntarily and his hips stuttered once Chris worked up a pace.

"Gonna suck you now," Chris said, voice dragging. He sounded drunk with arousal, lost in what they were doing, and Darren only had time to construct that thought before Chris mouth was sinking down his cock.

Chris mouth was warm, and wet, and tight, and... Darren grasped at the sheets on either side of him, fingers twitching and his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to breathe steadily. There was no use. Chris was sucking so tightly around his cock, and when one hand came to roll his balls between long, strong fingers Darren couldn't but release a throaty, absolutely uninhibited moan of pleasure.

Chris looked up at Darren after the sudden outburst, and when he saw Darren's flushed red face, how his dark eyes gazed down at him, lips slightly parted, tongue glistening between them hotly, he smirked knowingly. Darren gasped, hips stuttering, cock going further inside Chris mouth. Chris didn't seem to mind. He happily sucked at Darren, keeping eye-contact as he sunk even further down, bobbing his head in place with almost all of Darren's cock down his throat.

"Y-you're..." Darren tried, but it turned into another moan. "You'resofuckinggoodatthat."

The sentence was rushed, breathed out and barely audible, but Chris could make out the words and it almost put him over the edge, feeling his cock strain in his boxer-briefs as he rutted down onto the mattress.

Darren couldn't believe how casual Chris seemed to be. He was lying on his stomach, hands on either of Darren's thighs now, calves up in the air, his feet rolling to some sort of rhythm, all the while having a cock in his mouth, which he happily pulled off and sunk down and teased and licked. Darren couldn't stop letting out a continuous string of moans, grunts and breaths as Chris sucked him.

Another two minutes passed by, and Chris kept at this deliberate, slow pace that was just enough to keep Darren on the edge without falling over it, and it was amazing, right next to excruciating because he wanted to come inside Chris mouth at the same time as he wanted it to last as long as it possibly could.

Chris pulled of his cock, though, and put rubbed a hand along his sore jaw. He let out a small laugh, and as the breath his Darren's erection and made his embarrassingly hard, red cock twitch, he laughed too.

"You're not gonna let me come, are you?" Darren asked, voice low in a way that he himself didn't recognize.

"Not yet," Chris smirked, licking his lips. "I was thinking we could do something else."

"Okay," Darren said, blinking a few times, locking eyes with Chris. "But.. Before we do that, uh... Please, just kiss me."

Darren didn't have to ask twice. Chris heaved himself on top of Darren, and if the delicious weight of his body wasn't enough, his lips on Darren's were. Darren gasped against Chris lips, feeling his face scrunch up. He was so far on top of the edge, he was sure he was going to come.

He was one second from that blissful state of mind-blowing orgasm when Chris put his hand on the base of Darren's cock tightly, refusing it.

"Not yet," Chris mumbled, sucking on a spot on Darren's neck.

"Ah, you-," Darren couldn't even talk right now, but he was coming down from the peak that made his heart thump incredibly fast inside his chest.

"Sorry," Chris said, and he sounded sincere. "But I really want to be inside you when you come."

Darren stared at him.

"If you're fine with that, of course," Chris smiled, and fuck. He  _knew_. He fucking  _knew._

He could tell, somehow, that the thought of being filled up, getting completely and fully screwed by Chris was so, so hot to Darren.

Darren didn't even have to nod or say anything to show his consent, it seemed, because Chris went to feel at his dry hole, massaging against it. Darren groaned, turning his head and biting into the pillow, breathing heavily.

"You know, by the way you look right now I could think you were in pain," Chris said, rubbing a circle around Darren's hole as they were chest to chest. "But I know you aren't."

Chris was enjoying this so much. Darren could hear it in his voice. And it wasn't fair at all, but at the same time...  _Yes._ Because Darren had never felt this close to coming without coming before and it was such a confusing state for him both emotionally and physically. He fucking loved it.

"I'm just going to get the lube," Chris murmured. "I brought some. Was that presumptuous?"

Chris got off from Darren and searched his pants that were on the floor. Darren let out a laugh he himself didn't recognize.

"I- Yeah, probably a little," he said. "If you thought you could fuck a guy that's supposedly straight when he's sober before even meeting me sober-"

"Oh please," Chris grinned. He'd found the container and was pulling off his underwear where he was standing by the edge of the bed. Darren completely forgot what they were talking about when he saw the size of Chris cock. So hard, and nice, and clean and fuck, did he want it inside.

"I wish your friend Joey could see your face now," Chris said as he situated himself between Darren's thighs again. He sucked on he same spot on Darren's neck as before, and it made Darren's back arch. "He'd know how  _not_ straight you are when sober."

Darren smiled. He wasn't offended by that. He still had no idea how to define himself sexually, but the fact that Chris could make him feel like this, like no one else ever had, definitely proved  _something_. Chris sat back up and squirted lube on his fingers. He started to massage and rub Darren's hole it in the same way as before.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" Chris asked, the tip of his middle finger sinking inside Darren. "Fingered yourself?"

He went back to lie on top of Darren, his other hand carding through his hair.

"Yeah," Darren said, feeling like he could share literally everything with Chris right now. "How... How can you tell?"

Chris smirked, pushing the rest of his finger inside.

"Oh, my God," Darren said. "I'm not... Loose, am I?"

Chris laughed that airy, turned on laugh, and shook his head.

"No," he assured him, fucking the finger in and out of Darren slowly. "You just give off the impression of wanting to be filled up."

Darren was just about to say something, to ask  _how the hell someone gives off that impression and is that a good or a bad thing_? But Chris kept talking.

"It's hot," Chris murmured, licking a stripe along Darren's jaw. "Small guys with narrow hips that want nothing more than a cock inside them to pacify them, to make them come... It's my kryptonite."

The fact that it turned Chris on so much made Darren want to give him all of that, so he spread his legs. Chris pushed another finger inside him and scissored them once fully inside. Darren groaned, biting the pillow again, and Chris retreated his other hand out of Darren's hair and wrapped a hand around Darren's cock to distract him when he pushed a third finger inside.

Chris nuzzled his face into the crook of Darren's neck, just sort of fucking Darren with his fingers and it made Darren start groaning and moaning again after a while. It didn't hurt anymore. The stretch just felt so good.

"You can- Fuck, now, Chris," Darren whined, absolutely inarticulate, but he just needed Chris so bad.

Chris pulled his fingers out at that and sat back up between Darren's thighs. He looked down at Darren's hole, and Darren felt kind of exposed, but he spread his legs in spite of himself, presenting his hole, showing Chris how much he wanted this. Chris seemed to get the point, because his gaze darkened and he bit his lip.

"Turn around," he said, blinking up at Darren. "Hands and knees."

Darren scrambled up from on his back and turned. He looked back at Chris when he was in the assigned position and spread his legs, jutting his ass out teasingly with a smirk on his face. Chris was just  _staring_ and Darren couldn't even feel self-conscious about it because he looked so turned on. If anything, it spurred him on.

"Please, Chris," Darren whined, purposely making his voice a little higher and a little more needy. "Please, fuck me."

Chris stood on his knees between Darren's legs then, a hand squeezing at Darren's ass and the other around his own cock. He teased the head of his cock against Darren's hole, and it made Darren jump slightly, wanting so much. Chris groaned.

"So sensitive," he murmured.

He sunk inside Darren then. Darren felt his entire body clench, his muscles tight and his breathing coming out short. Chris was just  _so much_ and it didn't exactly hurt, but he felt more filled up then he ever had before. It was almost a scary sensation.

Once Chris was fully inside he leaned over Darren's back and rubbed at his side gently, placing a tender kiss to his back.

"Easy," he whispered, voice strained from held-back arousal. "Just relax. I'm not going to do anything else until you're ready, Darren. Okay?"

Darren released a long breath, feeling himself relax just slightly. Chris massaged at one ass-cheek, squeezing and rubbing as he got out cut-off breaths. Darren almost felt sorry for him, because Chris was doing everything right and he really, really wanted to make Chris come now.

"Okay," Darren said after a few more moments of relaxing and getting used to the size of Chris. "You can move. I can take it."

"Yeah, you can," Chris murmured, and fuck, that was a turn-on.

Chris started fucking Darren slowly. He pulled out almost all the way before sinking back inside, inch by delicious inch, and as Darren got used to the feeling it turned him on more for each slow thrust. Chris started rolling his hips into a more deliberate, fast pace after a little and several small grunts escaped him. They sounded like noises he wasn't even aware that he was making, and Darren could feel his cock go fully hard again at the sound, at the way he felt Chris hardening inside him, fucking him so good.

Darren let his upper-body slump against the mattress and tilted his ass up. The change of angle did something, made Chris reach something inside of him that felt so good, so good that it made him release a long moan and grab a steady hold of his own dick not to come immediately.

"Right there?" Chris asked triumphantly, fucking straight onto the same spot again.

Darren only moaned in response, and Chris fucked him harder, making the time between when Chris wasn't rubbing against his prostate and when he was shorten and ultimately disappear. Darren's skin puckered and he was moaning, pushing back onto Chris cock, getting fucked more and much better than what he'd ever done on his own.

"You take it so fucking well," Chris groaned.

He was fucking Darren so hard, Darren had to bite his pillow again not to whine. The sounds of skin slapping on skin and the slickness of Chris' lubed up cock inside Darren, along with Darren's muffled whimpers filled the room, only contributing to the feeling.

"You want it so bad, too," Chris continued. "Want a big cock inside you, want to be dominated, want to be fucked into the mattress."

"Yes, yes, yes," Darren whined, breathing heavily and pushing onto Chris again, his thighs beginning to tremble with how close he was.

"God, you sounds hot right now." Chris voice was getting strained, as if he couldn't find it within himself to form words anymore.

Instead he pushed both palms against Darren's ass and pushed him up, Darren's knees rising from the mattress a little, and Chris fucked up into him, finding an angle that enabled him to fuck faster and harder, until they were both moaning and whimpering with it, so close to the edge.

"T-touch me," Darren whined, face pushed down onto the mattress from the force of Chris thrusts. "Please."

Chris grabbed a hold of Darren's cock again, and they were back at their original position which somehow seemed even better now. Chris wasn't playing around anymore. He stroke Darren's cock hard and fast, fist squeezing and pulling as his thrusts began to lose their rhythm, and he was coming helplessly inside Darren with a small sound. As he was fucking Darren through the orgasm, still jerking him off, Darren was pushed over the edge so far he moaned, hands covering his face. He could almost feel tears on the brink of falling from his eyes, his body seizing into it as he came.

After a few moments Chris slowed, pushing in and out of Darren's spent asshole tiredly. Darren was breathing heavily, feeling woozy and gone. He could barely feel his body. His ass was numb and his cock was spent, but he could feel Chris slow breaths on his back, could hear him swallow and sigh as he pulled out of him.

Once Chris wasn't inside of Darren anymore they both slumped next to each other, stretching their limbs and groaning with it. Chris laughed.

"Fuck," he said. "Just... fuck."

"I think you returned the favor fucking ten-fold," Darren said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You helped," Chris argued and he rested his head on Darren's shoulder. He looked up at Darren with tired eyes, a half-smile on his lips.

Even post-sex, Chris was the most gorgeous person Darren could think of.

"I can't feel my ass right now," Darren said, and Chris choked on laughter.

Darren laughed along with him, feeling giddy. He lied down so that they were face to face and kissed Chris, who was still giggling, kissed him senseless and hard on the mouth.

"We're definitely doing this again," Darren murmured against his lips.

"Definitely," Chris agreed, tugging at Darren's side and kissed back.

They pulled back at the same time and slumped back on the same pillow, turned in on each other, just lying there. Darren pulled the covers over them and sighed. He felt kind of sticky and gross, but he couldn't move right now even if he wanted to. And he didn't. He wanted to lie down here with Chris, stuck in this post-sex haze forever, breathing each other in, eyes closed.

"You can sleep here if you want to," Darren said and opened his eyes.

There was no response. He said it again, a little louder, but Chris eyes remained closed and his breathing was even and long. He'd already fallen asleep.

Darren smiled fondly, kissed Chris forehead, and closed his eyes. Yeah. He could definitely fall asleep like this.

~End


	3. The Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darren can't stop thinking about him.

Waking up after the most mind-blowing sex of your life, paired with the best night's of sleep you ever had, was surprisingly anti-climatic. Darren's eyes had opened. He'd taken a moment to let last night's events sink in and settle into memories in his mind. But just as he was about to smile and revel in how little he cared about the soreness of his ass, he realized that he was alone.

 

He sat up with a startled jolt, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room as they searched it. There wasn't a single trace of Chris. There wasn't a single trace of the guy who had sunk inside Darren just hours ago, making him feel every last inch of him with his arms wrapped around him securely. Chris had smiled so giddily when they were done. He had giggled into their kisses in a way that made Darren's heart leap just thinking about it.

 

And now it was as if it hadn't happened at all.

 

*

 

Lauren and Joey seemed to have forgotten about Darren's friday adventures come monday morning. They were busy talking about the party they went to that very night, and Darren listened and laughed genuinely. He enjoyed the stories his friends told, and he liked going to classes, getting his acting on.

 

Things were going fine. Things were... usual. Darren agreed to go with his friends to a party the upcoming weekend, even if the memories of his last hangover were still enough for him to pause before saying yes. Joey had gone with the old “you don't have to drink to have fun at parties”, and Darren was convinced. He needed to meet some people. Remind himself of who he is.

 

Because that was what the last few weeks had been about, right? Finding out who to be?

 

Darren hadn't received a single text from Chris since the day they got together. He kept considering and re-considering whether or not he should text him. He always ended up staring at their previous conversations, willing his phone to buzz with a new text. It was kind of weird. He didn't know what Chris and him were. They weren't friends. They were barely acquaintances, come to think of it.

 

Darren just knew that Chris minored in Drama. That was what they had in common. They'd only ever really talked about getting off.

 

So how come they'd been so great when they were together?

 

Darren sort of wished that him and Chris hadn't clicked like they did sexually. Not when they did it like they did. No strings attached – Darren wasn't even really mad at Chris for disappearing. He got it. He'd been in the same situation before.

 

He just found himself thinking that he wanted Chris to want him, too.

 

Because Darren wanted Chris again.

 

*

 

“Dude.”

 

Darren groaned. Three hour breaks were not his cup of tea. Especially not when Joey wouldn't even let him sleep through it.

 

“Dude, dude, dude.”

 

It was fucking urgent, too. Darren rubbed his eyes tiredly. His back hurt from having slept hunched over a table. He couldn't believe he actually hung out with people that wanted to go study in the library when they didn't have anything better to do.

 

Or better yet, that people like that wanted to hang out with him.

 

“Dude, seriously, look,” Joey hissed in his ear, and Darren finally opened his eyes.

 

Joey was pointing and nodding towards a guy who was standing with his back to them. He was wearing a purple shirt and black, tight jeans. He was lean. His brown hair was kind of messy in the back, like it needed a trim.

 

Darren had kissed that neck.

 

“Isn't that the guy you hooked up with at that party?” Joey asked, and Darren blinked a couple times.

 

“Uh... I can't tell.”

 

Darren blushed.

 

“It totally is,” Joey said. “I saw his face when he walked in here. Do you want to hide? Should we leave?”

 

Joey probably earned a gold-star for being a bro for that, but Darren just huffed a laugh, leaning back in his chair with an air of confidence.

 

“It's fine,” Darren said. “Let's stay.”

 

Darren's eyes were fixed on Chris back, the way he moved about the rows of books, going out of view and coming back in. He turned his head to the side sometimes so that Darren got a perfect look at his profile. That defined jaw that he'd nipped his teeth around... Darren could feel his heart beat faster, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything.

 

“You're sure?” Joey asked, brows furrowing. “You don't want him to get the wrong idea. What are you going to do if he sees us?”

 

Darren was just about to respond with some joke when Chris turned around and their eyes met as soon as he did. Chris looked as though he was drawing in a breath, and Darren could literally feel how inch after inch of his face reddened. It was as if the moment was frozen in time, and Darren found himself taking a mental snap-shot of how Chris looked right now.

 

He looked nothing like the confident, domineering sexual deviant he'd had in mind the past week and a half, and more so like he was feeling every inch of what Darren was feeling. Like he didn't know what to do, at all. Like he wanted to say something, anything, but not finding the purchase within himself to do it.

 

Torn.

 

And the moment ended. Chris didn't approach them. Of course he didn't. He left without picking up a book and Darren released a breath that didn't really feel like relief. Joey patted him on the back and they laughed it off. It felt kind of nice, even if Joey didn't know half of what had happened between him and Chris.

 

At least now Darren knew that Chris hadn't disappeared into thin air.

 

*

 

_You look hot when you blush._

 

Darren saw the text when he woke up the next morning. He blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of it, and then he remembered the incident at the library. He felt a rush in his chest, as if he was trying to grab onto something, but it was like a free fall of emotions and nerves. Chris acknowledged his existence.

 

_Do I?_

 

Darren turned to lie on his back, put his phone on his stomach and stretched. He was determined not to stare at the three dots that came up when Chris was typing out his response. He was determined to be casual about this.

 

When his phone buzzed on his stomach after a couple of minutes that felt longer than usual, he picked it up with such a rush that he dropped it on his face.

 

So casual.

 

_Oh, yes. It reminded me of... Well, you know._

 

Darren's breath hitched. Okay. He needed to talk about something else. They needed to _be_ something other than what they were now. Because if he didn't take the step, then they'd probably stop contacting each other after a while and it had already been a week and a half since they last spoke.

 

_Oh... I'm going to a party this friday. Come with?_

 

His phone buzzed almost immediately.

 

_I already have a party to attend this friday. Which one are you going to?_

 

_My friend Brian, Brian Holden. It's going to be pretty small, though. You sure you don't want to come?_

 

_It's going to be small, huh? I'll think about it._

 

_I'll send you the address just in case. I know how much you like me under the influence._

 

_Good point. Well, in case of; see you friday._

 

_Sure, Chris._

 

*

 

It wasn't a small party.

 

It probably started out as such, but once Joey and Darren got there, they couldn't look one direction without seeing an unfamiliar face in the crowd.

 

Small parties turning huge weren't unheard of at University of Michigan, but Darren could feel his stomach drop. If there was going to be this many people – up to fifty, maybe more – it would be that much harder to find Chris. _If_ he actually showed up.

 

*

 

Darren was dancing with a random girl. He was buzzing with alcohol and his limbs felt loose and good. The girl had been eyeing him since they first stumbled into each other, and Darren wasn't one to walk away from someone with such an obvious interest in him. She was pretty. She didn't make him feel like Chris did, but she was there and Darren was drunk.

 

He was just about to move in a little closer when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned. smiling an apology to the girl he had no interest in, and there he was. Chris. In all his sober glory. Fuck.

 

Darren was pretty drunk, but under control. He'd learned something from his last hangover, but Chris face in the crowd of dancing people in a dark room reminded him of how they first met so much that he wanted to do another round of shots. He was nervous, but he smiled, and Chris wrapped a sure arm around his back. The girl he'd just danced with was already forgotten.

 

Chris used his other hand to hold Darren's hip. Darren looked up at him, fuck, he was taller and that was a turn on, and Chris just smiled down at him. The awkwardness from the library had vanished.

 

“Just how I like you,” Chris murmured, leaning down to talk into his ear. “Sweaty and drunk on a dance floor.”

 

Darren felt his heart thud, his cock swelling in his pants. He thrust his hips forward, enabling Chris to feel his hard-on on his hip, and Chris gasped in response.

 

“You little devil,” he scolded playfully, hand on Darren's hip tightening. “You want it so bad, don't you?”

 

“Yeah,” Darren said quickly.

 

If he'd been sober he would probably have tried to feign some confidence, some stamina, but now he just wanted Chris to touch him everywhere. He wanted to be in his control, wanted to do what he was told. Chris released a groan into Darren's ear as they moved to the music together. Darren wrapped his arms around Chris neck and nuzzled into the warm crook of his neck, his hips swiveling with Chris. He let out a small, needy sound when Chris lips brushed against his temple.

 

It was too much, and not enough. Darren was rock hard and Chris hands were _there_ , squeezing at his sides, his mouth whispering dirty encouragements. Darren was usually ashamed of how needy he got. He didn't pride himself in becoming completely wrecked when aroused. He wanted some sort of control. He didn't exactly want to lose himself with every graze of Chris fingertips.

 

But when he just let go like this, with Chris close, knowing how much Chris liked it... He was fine with being exactly who he was. He didn't have to respond with anything articulate and equally dirty to Chris words. The noises he made, how hard he got from Chris doing all the leading, that was what seemed to spur Chris on the most. It made it so easy. It didn't feel like playing a game, trying to find out what the other liked so that you had to alter yourself after them. Doing this just _worked_ so well, and fuck, Darren wanted to leave now. Wanted to take Chris home with him. Wanted to fuck him and have him and fall asleep with him like they'd done before.

 

Chris was on the same page, it seemed, because he pulled Darren out of the crowded house only moments later. They kissed, hard and needy, once they were alone. The air was cool, the moon shining big and full on a dark sky heavy with glistening stars. Darren had left his jacket inside, and he wast just in a t-shirt and jeans, so he snaked his arms inside Chris jacket. It was warm, and it filled his stomach with fuzzy, fluttering butterflies as Chris slipped his cold tongue in Darren's mouth. Darren hummed happily and pressed into the kiss. Chris hand went up to stroke Darren's cheek softly, and the kiss became that much more intense once he did. Their lips were sealed together, their tongues just brushing against each other, but it felt like so, so much. Chris other hand was on his back, holding him steady and strong, countering the soft hand on his face. Darren had never felt so held.

 

He pulled back a little bit and Chris opened his eyes slowly. They were big, blue, and they knew. If Darren read Chris expression correctly, the kiss meant just as much to him.

 

“You want to get out of here?” Darren asked.

 

He'd wanted the moment to last forever, but that's the thing about moments. They don't. And he wanted to get to the soft warmth of a bed in Chris arms, right now.

 

“Yes,” Chris said. He looked fairly taken with him, mouth opening and stuttering closed, as if he'd been about to say something more.

 

Darren squeezed at Chris back and looked away from his eyes for a second.

 

“My place?” Darren asked tentatively.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Chris agreed. “Is it far?”

 

“No, we can walk,” Darren said. He slipped his arms out of Chris jacket reluctantly, and immediately wrapped his arms around himself.

 

Chris didn't step away. He put his warm hand on Darren's arm and rubbed a little bit, trying to create some circulation.

 

“You're freezing,” he said. “You should take my jacket.”

 

“Nah, man, it's cool,” Darren said, trying to sound casual. He lost on his clattering teeth, though.

 

“Don't be ridiculous,” Chris said. “You're taking my jacket. I'm wearing long sleeves. It's fine.”

 

Darren said nothing as Chris stripped out of his brown leather jacket and handed it to him. Darren just stood there staring at the jacket in his hands, thinking about how Chris wore it every day, how it went everywhere with him. It was a fucking ridiculous thought, a _drunk_ thought for sure, but it brought an uninhibited smile to Darren's face, beaming at the fact that he was holding a part of Chris in his hand. Chris let out a snort-laugh and took the jacket again.

 

“What are you doing?” he muttered under his breath, Darren wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself, but he slid the jacket over Darren's narrow shoulders easily.

 

It was a little too big, which was good because Darren was very cold. He wrapped it around himself as they walked quietly in the dark. It was such a weird contrast, going from a loud party-environment to the quiet of the night. There was only a shadow of the fact that it was a friday night, other people walking around with bottles of beer and God-knows-what, the sound of muffled music coming from dorms they passed. Chris didn't take Darren's hand. Darren was very aware of that.

 

“My jacket looks good on you,” Chris said after a few moments of silence.

 

Darren quirked an eyebrow, smiling loosely.

 

“Does it?” he asked, twirling when Chris looked back at him. He stumbled a little, regaining his balance almost immediately, and laughed.

 

“Well, when you do that you kind of look like an idiot,” Chris retorted, but he was smiling.

 

Darren grabbed Chris by the arm then, rested his head on his shoulder.

 

“Mmh, I'm drunk,” he said happily. “You better lead me the rest of the way. Not sure if I can walk properly.”

 

Chris laughed and elbowed Darren softly. He didn't try to shake him away, though.

 

“You're not _that_ drunk,” Chris said.

 

“I know,” Darren mumbled.

 

He wasn't sure if Chris heard, but they fell silent again, still walking closely.

 

*

 

Once they were inside Darren's apartment they were out of their shirts kissing on Darren's bed within a minute. The kisses were slow but hard. There was a lot of tongue, mostly from Darren's part, and Chris tried to take control of the kiss as he was pushed Darren down onto the mattress. Darren was already getting tired and sloppy, just holding Chris by the hair when he was under him. Chris rolled his hips down onto Darren and breathed hard onto his neck. Darren groaned in response, breath hitching with Chris movements.

 

Chris stopped, though, with a small little grunt of frustration.

 

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he said in a rush.

 

Darren stared back up. “Hurry.”

 

“Yes,” Chris nodded. “Right. I'll hurry.”

 

He got up from on top of Darren and skipped out of his bedroom door. Darren slumped back onto the mattress and let out a long sigh. He was fucking tired. His mind was boggled with alcohol and it was just making it worse. Darren's eyes slipped shut and he let out a few long breaths. Okay. Just a couple minutes of resting his eyes. That was fine. When Chris was back he'd be all set for a night's worth of fucking.

 

Darren fell asleep the minute he closed his eyes again.

 

*

 

Darren woke up to the faint press of lips to his forehead, and the sound of a cup being put on a table. His eyes fluttered open slowly and the body next to him tensed, moved away.

 

“No,” Darren complained, voice hoarse from sleep. “C'me back.”

 

His eyes adjusted and there was Chris, sitting up on the bed with a weird expression on his face. He looked like he'd just been caught in the act of something, and he was kind of staring into space.

 

“Come back,” Darren repeated, his voice returning.

 

Chris sucked in a breath. He was only in a tank top and underwear, and Darren realized he didn't know what he, himself was wearing. He felt fairly naked. Probably just boxers. Chris had undressed him last night. Oh, God.

 

Chris slipped beneath the covers and moved close to Darren again.

 

“Since you're asking so nicely,” he murmured, voice light and easy.

 

There was something about Chris when they weren't both rock hard and ready for each other. He seemed more nervous, antsy even, the hand resting on Darren's chest a lot more unsure than it usually was. Darren just looked at Chris for a passing moment. Chris wasn't looking at him. There was still this unreadable expression covering his features as he gazed away, mouth slightly open.

 

“Are you sleep walking?” Darren asked dumbly.

 

Chris looked up at him, startled, but his face stretched into a smile. Darren fucking loved putting that smile on his face.

 

“If you hadn't noticed, I'm actually lying down,” he said, humoring him.

 

“Okay,” Darren said, trying again. “Are you sleep-lying-down, then?”

 

“I guess sleep-lying-down would count as normal sleeping, Darren,” Chris said, hiding a chuckle behind his lips.

 

“You get what I mean,” Darren huffed, frustrated with not getting his point across.

 

He smiled with Chris, though, happy about getting rid of that uneasy look on his face. Chris grinned a little, the silence turning into some sort of tension before Chris spoke again.

 

“No, I'm not sleeping,” Chris said, shifting a little beneath the covers and tangling his legs with Darren. He felt warm and heavy beside him, and suddenly Darren became aware of how close they were. “If you hadn't noticed I'm actually talking to you.”

 

“Okay, well, never mind then,” Darren murmured, forgetting why he'd brought it up in the first place.

 

Right now all he could do was stare at Chris lips. And suddenly he became very, very pleased about the fact that he hadn't left. Last time, after they were done fucking, he'd left. Chris was still here. Hair messy with sleep. Cheek covered in creases from Darren's pillow. And very, very present.

 

Chris was the one to lean in and brush their lips together. Darren responded immediately, a huff of air going through his nose as arousal shot through him, hard and sudden. The hand on his chest went to grab at Darren's waist, holding him with a sure hand, and Darren practically melted into Chris control.

 

“Mmh,” Chris said as he pulled back, Darren's gaze lust-heavy as he stared back at him. “Drink, um, drink this?”

 

Chris hand disappeared and went to take the glass on the nightstand. Darren raised his eyebrows with question, staring at the clear liquid inside the glass.

 

“Water,” Chris said, laughing quietly at Darren's confusion. “Not trying to drug you. You just woke up, I-”

 

Darren laughed, and Chris put the glass to his lips, tilting it a little as he gulped down. Chris put the glass back on the table, and Darren kept some of it in his mouth to rinse out his teeth. Once that was swallowed down he released a refreshed breath and smiled brightly at Chris.

 

“Morning breath's not a turn on for you?” he asked with a grin, mouth going to nibble at Chris jawline.

 

Chris didn't answer. He seemed a little preoccupied when Darren was sucking at the tight skin between his jawline and neck.

 

“I'll try to remember that.”

 

Darren's words ghosted unnoticed on Chris neck, and he let out a small sound at the sensation. Darren could feel Chris erection against his thigh, could feel it grow as he sucked slow kisses onto his neck. Chris was groaning with it, hand returning to Darren's waist and squeezing hard and dominating, pushing against Darren so that he was back on top.

 

Darren let himself be pressed down. They kissed. Chris nuzzled his nose next to Darren's, his breath heavy and horny on Darren's lips. Darren let out a needy sound at the sensation, wanting more, his body thrumming with want. Chris ground his hips down, and they both gasped at how good the friction felt.

 

Chris got on top of Darren fully then, straddling him, and their cocks lined up next to each other in respective underwear, hard and full and pressed together. Darren stuttered out a moan, but it was silenced by Chris eager lips. They were rocking together for a few moments, and Darren was making soft noises. Every little grunt coming from Chris was so loud in Darren's ears, was such a reward and turned him on further, knowing that Chris, who was usually silent, was so turned on even he let out breaths and grunts and groans at how they felt when they were fucking like this. Clothed and hard and wanting.

 

Chris went faster then. His pace changed so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that Darren's moan got high pitched, like a squeal. Chris huffed a breathy laugh, and Darren smiled, but the way Chris was pressing against him returned their focus to their bodies almost immediately.

 

Chris came first, and Darren followed after a couple thrusts. Chris coming was Darren's new favorite thing. There was no better reward, really. It was such tangible proof that Chris wanted him, was attracted to him.

 

But then Chris was gone too soon. He was standing up at the side of the bed, and then he left the room silently. Darren was still heavy from the orgasm, so he just lied there, a hand carding through his hair. He was too satisfied with the orgasm to be worrying right now. And Chris was back after just a couple of minutes. Darren propped himself up on his elbows happily, expecting Chris to get back into bed with him. He wanted another kiss and possibly another round, but then Chris was getting dressed. He slid on his tight jeans and pulled his shirt over his head urgently.

 

“Are you going somewhere...?” Darren asked, disappointment already nestling inside his chest.

 

“Yeah, going home,” Chris nodded like it was nothing. “Got some stuff to do.”

 

Darren's brows furrowed, and Chris stopped in his tracks for a moment after taking the brown leather jacket from Darren's pile of clothes.

 

“Is there a problem?” Chris asked, oblivious.

 

That was what got to Darren the most. Chris didn't get it. Darren sat up fully on the bed, silent, trying to figure out the next thing to say. He could feel his entire body going tight, forgetting how amazing it had felt just moments ago. The only thing tangible now was the way Chris looked at him, like he was less to Chris than Chris was to him. It hurt.

 

“So that's why you stayed the night this time?” Darren asked, not looking up. “To get off? You didn't get what you wanted last night so you-”

 

“What do you think this _is_?” Chris asked sternly, and something hardened in his eyes.

 

He didn't look like the quiet, unsure guy he was outside of sex, but he wasn't controlling and confident in the way he was when they were fucking either. He was angry, and nothing in his stance was doing anything to attempt to cover that up. Darren felt his heart beat with betrayal. He was trying so hard not to have his face scrunch up dramatically like it did when he became upset.

 

“Last night--” Darren's voice was _loud,_ but he couldn't quiet down. “What about last night?”

 

“What _about_ last night?” Chris asked, but he was faking it. He had to be faking it. He knew about last night. About that kiss. About... everything. He wasn't ready to have that question answered either, didn't want the truth slapped in his face, so he kept talking. “Whatever. I'm out of here.”

 

Darren hadn't expected _that_. He'd at least wanted them to make up, somewhat, before he left. But apparently Chris didn't even have time for that. He didn't care that he left Darren hurting.

 

“Chris.”

 

Chris eyes were still hard and unforgiving. There was a wall there and Darren had nothing to get through it.

 

Chris stood up easily, and left.

 

*

 

Darren left his bedroom after a few moments of gathering his thoughts and lessening the urge to cry or put his fist to the wall. It took a while, but he left his bedroom, and once he did he saw Joey.

 

The surprise of seeing him lounging casually on the couch startled him out of his thoughts of Chris enough to care that Joey probably knew that Chris had stayed the night.

 

“So what was that all about?” Joey asked, eyebrow arching at Darren who was standing there, confused and only in his underwear (which were still sticky with drying come, oh God).

 

“Wh-wh-wha--” Darren stopped, huffing an unamused laugh at his inability to stop stuttering. “What do you mean?”

 

“One minute you guys were sounding very happy in there and the next Chris was out the door all pissed off,” Joey shrugged. He didn't seem to care the slightest that it had been _Chris_ , that guy he'd attempted to save Darren from only weeks ago.

 

Darren blinked. He had no response.

 

“I talked to him, by the way,” Joey said. “Last night. He was watching TV on the couch when I came home.”

 

Darren sat down next to Joey silently, and Joey muted the TV.

 

“You could've just told me you guys were... having fun together, or whatever,” Joey said. He looked so calm about everything, obviously hiding some betrayal, and then smiled crookedly. “That's what he called it, anyway.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Darren said. He wanted to say just that to Chris as well. _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for feeling too much, just don't leave._

 

“And you've got it bad for him, don't you?” Joey asked, casually.

 

Darren didn't meet his gaze. Didn't confirm his suspicions. Or perhaps that's what did it, because Joey squeezed his shoulder with a small chuckle. His hand went to Darren's face, tilting it up and forcing him to look at him.

 

“Stop being so scared of me,” Joey said. “Stop with this... internalized homophobia or whatever. It's not cool.”

 

“I'm not---” Darren protested, feeling torn.

 

“Then why is this so different from you having a girl over?” Joey asked. He retreated his hand from Darren's face. “If it had been a girl you would've been raving about it. Don't tell me I'm wrong.”

 

Darren's face was hot with conflicting emotions.

 

“Now let's watch Teen Moms and eat M&M's, okay?” Joey smiled. He seemed to realize what pressure he was putting on Darren now, and Darren was thankful for the change of subject.

 

Darren relaxed and sat back in the couch. He propped his feet up on the table and took a mouthful of M&M's from the bowl on the table.

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

Joey turned the sound back on then, and the moment was over. Darren's eyes stared blindly at the screen. His thoughts were still with Chris, with how he'd left. Their feelings were not mutual, and it hurt to even construct that thought. Just when he was about to start shaking with how much the rejection hurt, Darren's phone buzzed on the table. He looked at it immediately. It was a text message from Chris.

 

_I want to keep doing this, Darren. But this is college._

 

Darren groaned, ignoring the side-glance from Joey. His chest felt tight with disappointment, but something inside him was still so, so relieved that Chris didn't just cut him off completely. He wanted to be the strong one, the one to make demands, but... He didn't have the courage to risk whatever they had now. He sent a text message back and locked his phone. He didn't want to look at their conversation a second longer.

 

_Me too. I understand._

 

_*_

 

TBC


	4. The Fall Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex and fall outs. Hey ho.

There was pressure of hands on his back, right between his shoulder blades. Darren responded my letting his chest fall to the mattress with a groan. The sound of Chris three lube-slick fingers fucking in and out of him filled the room. It squelched, and the sound alone made Darren whimper with need. Chris pulled them out and Darren felt the fat head of his cock press against his entrance, feeling too big and too much the moment before it sunk inside, stretching him out. Chris let out a long moan as he fucked into him further.

 

“You want it?” Chris said, out of breath behind him. “Want it hard and fast?”

 

Darren sobbed out his consent. Chris picked up his pace and fucked him harder, staying inside for a little bit before pulling out and going fast for a few thrusts. Then he stopped again, fully inside, just letting his cock brush his prostate. Darren mewled softly and tried to fuck back on Chris cock, but he was trapped when lying like that. He was completely submissive to Chris desires.

 

Chris was groaning, putting his hand over the one on Darren's back, pushing harder. His hips rolled easily with Darren's body. He'd stretched him good, taken his time, and used a ridiculously high amount of lube. It resulted in little to no resistance when he fucked forward, his cock going all the way inside to stimulate Darren's sensitive prostate.

 

“Yeah!” Darren cried, the sound muffling against the mattress.

 

He was trembling with it, thighs shaking and his skin tingling. He was going to come, God, he was going to come, he could feel it starting somewhere inside of him.

 

Chris had other plans. He pulled out of Darren completely, and at first Darren let out an angry, frustrated groan. Chris moved his hands up from his back to his hips and attempted to turn him over. Darren's body was still kind of stiff from how tight his muscles felt. He scrambled up on his hands and took a deep breath.

 

“What are you-”

 

Before Darren could finish the sentence, Chris somehow managed to turn Darren to his back. Darren's mouth shut immediately at the image of Chris hovering above him, lips tight and gaze dark. He pushed inside of Darren again, put both his hands on either of Darren's feet above his head and pinned him down forcefully.

 

The position was different. Nothing they'd tried before. Darren's hole tightened with how Chris leveled his weight on the soles of his feet. Each thrust became that much more intense. It felt as though his prostate swelled three sizes, and Chris cock fucked against it with each roll of hips. Darren's jaw went slack.

 

“You're going to come now, aren't you?” Chris asked as he picked up the same mind blowing pace as before. “Going to come so bad around my cock?”

 

Darren didn't want to close his eyes. He wanted to see, wanted to stare at the faint mark of teeth on Chris neck that had brought him to dominate him so completely. Darren bit his lower lip, his eyes wanted to squeeze shut so bad.

 

“I--,” Darren was so fucking close.

 

He sobbed out a moan, head thrashing from side to side.

 

“There we go.” Chris voice suddenly lost its sharp edge.

 

It was an encouragement. The softness of Chris voice brought Darren a glimpse of Chris perspective, of how bad he wanted Darren to come around his cock, how good it felt to have Darren pinned beneath him. Darren whimpered. Chris kept fucking him, whispering soft encouragements.

 

It brought Darren over the edge.

 

And it wasn't like a small, passing thing. It thrummed through his body, tightening every little muscle. He stretched his neck, brows furrowing. He couldn't even make a sound. All he could decipher was the sound of Chris cock moving in and out of him wetly, and how this insane load of come splattered onto his chest and stomach.

 

When Darren finally managed to breathe again and he opened his eyes, his eye sight felt toggled with. The edges were fuzzy, his face felt numb and it was as though he was sinking through the mattress. His body felt so heavy. Chris was slumping on top of his sweaty, come-slick body. Darren hadn't even noticed he had finished as well. Darren took a few long breaths and then the feelings came to him.

 

He wanted to get his hands up and mess them into Chris hair. He wanted to card them through, tug, tilt him up and kiss him so hard they couldn't breathe again.

 

But he restrained himself. _This is college._ Darren let out a sigh.

 

Chris wasn't done, though. He found Darren's hand and took it in his own, squeezing. He looked up at his lover thoughtfully before his eyes slipped shut and he kissed him. Darren kissed back too hard, too intensely, but Chris just shifted the angle of the kiss and made it better. He knew how to do that. Darren sucked at Chris bottom lip and released, pulling back and just looked at him.

 

“You look so stupid right now,” Chris grinned.

 

“What? Why?” Darren asked, not altering his expression.

 

“You're smiling,” Chris murmured, then leaned down and brushed their lips.

 

Darren's heart fluttered.

 

Then Chris kisses got harder. He demanded more. Darren happily opened his mouth and let him in. He moaned against his lips, spurring him on, letting Chris hands squeeze around his wrists again and let his hardening cock enter him.

 

_This is college._

 

*

 

“So you're fucking a guy?” Lauren asked casually when she, Darren and Joey were having lunch at a café. Darren almost spit out his drink.

 

“Oh, indeed he is,” Joey said before Darren could even clear his throat let alone _think_ of a response that didn't make it sound so scandalous. “Into the wee hours of the night.”

 

“We should switch dorms, Joey,” Lauren said. She looked way too happy about things.

 

Darren just laughed. His cheeks were heating up, and he kind of avoided meeting Lauren's hungry gaze directly.

 

“No way,” Joey said. “You'll just try to meddle your way into it.”

 

“Who says that's a bad thing?” Lauren asked.

 

“Lauren,” Darren warned, but his mouth was stretched out into a smile and he was trying not to burst into a fit of giggles. “I don't think Chris...”

  
“Exactly,” Joey said, taking over. “Chris is as gay as they come, so keep out of it.”

 

Lauren put her hands up and shrugged. Darren actually didn't _know_ whether Chris had anything against having sex with women, (which, wow, how come he didn't know that?) and he found himself not wanting Chris to be as sexually gray-scaled as Darren was. He wanted Chris to himself.

 

“He's in college, Joey,” she argued. “Boy probably gets hard for anything.”

 

Even though Darren put up an 'embarrassed laughter' facade, what he truly felt was possessiveness. No. Lauren was not allowed to fuck Chris, not even if Darren was there too. He didn't even want them to meet. Chris was _his._

 

“Oh, my God,” Darren said through his laughter, shaking his head. “ _Stop_ it.”

 

“I can assure you college-guys don't get hard for _anything_ ,” Joey whined.

 

Lauren just gave him a look that made Joey's face red and he spluttered out further arguments of college guys' virtue. Darren had checked out of the conversation by then. He was just staring at his cup of coffee thoughtfully. Word got around so easily here, and Darren wasn't sure what to think of it. One part of him was proud to say that _yes_ , an irresistibly hot guy wants to fuck me several nights a week. But then again, that was all the irresistibly hot guy wanted to do to him, and that took away a big chunk of the pride-part. Darren wasn't the one calling the shots here.

 

As if to prove that point, Darren's phone buzzed with a text message.

 

_Want you in 30 minutes._

 

And who could say no to that?

 

*

 

Darren had never managed to make Chris _gasp_ like this before. Chris was standing with his back to Darren's bedroom door, fully clothed except for how Darren had tugged his jeans and underwear down to pool at his feet. Darren was on his knees in front of him, licking up his cock slowly. And Chris was _gasping._ The sensation almost seemed too much for him.

 

Darren couldn't stop staring at him. Chris was so sensitive today, cock twitching and thighs trembling from each little lick up his throbbing erection. Chris was not looking at Darren. He seemed so preoccupied with feeling everything. Darren liked to think that the view of him on his knees would just be too much, but then again, the fact that it was Darren might not even matter to Chris. The way _Darren_ looked might not be any difference to any other guy he'd screwed.

 

“Suck my balls,” Chris said through his gasps.

 

Darren hesitated. He wasn't certain why, but he did.

 

“Come on, Darren.” He was still not looking at him.

 

Darren felt a tingly sensation in his chest at the way Chris said his name. Yes. Yes, Chris wanted _him,_ he really did. And Darren opened his mouth and sucked one of the come-tight balls into his mouth. Chris cock was hard and leaking at the side of his face, slick with Darren's saliva where it was pressed to his cheek. Chris grabbed at his hair then, keeping him there, rocking with him a little so that his cock got friction against his cheek. Darren let out a small noise.

 

“On-- On my cock, now,” Chris said urgently.

 

Darren was quick to obey. He bobbed his head up and down Chris cock, familiar to the sounds Chris was making. They meant he was close, but he still let out small gasps between his moans, and those were unheard of before. It was hot. So, so fucking hot. And then Chris was coming down Darren's throat with a high-pitched whine followed by complete and utter silence for a still moment before he fucked Darren's mouth ferociously until he came down from the orgasm.

 

Darren felt thoroughly fucked once they were done and he'd swallowed all of Chris come. Chris laughed, he _laughed_ , and fell to the floor in front of Darren. He grabbed Darren's face and kissed him hard on the mouth, and Darren kissed back slackly, still a little sore from the blow job.

 

“I'm...” Chris giggled, “Jesus Christ. Fuck, Darren.”

 

Darren laughed then.

 

“What _was_ that?” he asked.

 

Chris leaned his head against the door and let out a breath. He watched Darren steadily, a small smirk playing on his features.

 

“I don't know,” he said, swallowing slowly. Something was hiding behind his eyes. “Woke up this morning and... This was all I could think about.”

 

Darren tried to tell himself not to feel every last word, every last little indication of meaning to what Chris said, but there was no use. Darren smiled hopefully and kissed Chris, kissed him senseless and loving. He didn't tell Chris that he himself woke up like that _every_ morning. Didn't have time to tell him anything, really, before Chris shoved his hand down Darren's pants, eager to return the favor.

 

Because that was what this was. Favors.

 

*

 

For someone who got to have sex regularly, had a satisfying close circle of friends, and passed every class he was participating in, Darren felt very frustrated with his current situation. Darren had a hard time with keeping different parts of his life separate. Whenever he met someone new, he introduced them to the rest of his friends. He made them get along. And then that was that.

 

Chris wasn't like that. Chris downright avoided any part of Darren's life that hadn't to do with sex or parties. When Joey asked Darren what Chris did for fun, Darren didn't have another answer than to jokingly reply 'me'.

 

Darren had never exactly compromised himself before. Even though his friends were very different from one another, he treated them more or less the same. If he didn't get along with someone, he kept a respectable distance with no hard feelings. The confusing thing about how Darren felt for Chris was that he had feelings for him, strong ones, but he was also aware that he was kept on a tight leash. And he _hated_ that part.

 

If he put up his own demands and asked things of Chris, however, he knew there was a risk of them not being in each other's lives at all. The thought scared him, probably a little too much. Something, somewhere in his mind told him that this was the perfect recipe for an 'unhealthy relationship', but another part of him just snorted and asked, 'what relationship?'.

 

And so his behavior remained unchanged.

 

*

 

“No, I don't like anything inside, I just...,” Chris stuttered. He was naked, absolutely vulnerable, and on his back on Darren's bed.

 

Darren was on his back next to him. They were looking into each other's eyes. The sheets were in a tangled mess at the end of the bed. Darren was naked and soft, and he felt comfortable. They'd just given each other a hand job each, and Darren's chest was still painted with drying come. He couldn't care less. The sex had been amazing, but then afterwards when Darren's hands had moved to explore behind Chris sack, Chris had backed away and said no.

 

He hadn't said it like he was mad, or disgusted, or anything really. It was just a plain, simple 'no', and Darren had been surprised. So they talked about it.

 

“You just like it when you get to fuck me,” Darren filled in with a small grin.

 

His mind was untangled from the orgasm still, and his tongue felt loose from the sensation. That was why he dared to be so blunt. That, and that him and Chris had sex several nights a week and weren't exactly shy of these kind of conversations anymore.

 

Chris returned the smile, but shook his head.

 

“That's not what I mean,” he said. “I mean, I love it when I get to fuck you...”

 

His eyes darkened a little, clearly imagining it, and Darren let out a horny breath.

 

“I just mean, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that I don't like it when someone else fucks me.”

 

They were silent.

 

“I like it when someone has there tongue... Down there, though.”

 

Chris let out a breath. Darren didn't understand why it took him so much to say that out loud. Darren loved it when Chris did it to _him_. They'd passed that point. But then again, sex between them meant Chris taking charge and Darren accepting every idea.

 

To Darren, this was the same thing. Darren would love to lick Chris ass. But it was a vulnerable subject for Chris, Darren could tell.

 

“Dude, I'll lick your ass, okay?” Darren said quickly.

 

Chris laughed, then put his hands over his face to hide.

 

“Oh, my God, Darren,” he laughed wetly. “Who _says_ that?”

 

“I do,” Darren said, unashamed.

 

He got up and settled himself between Chris legs, leaned down and kissed Chris neck softly.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

Chris squirmed uncomfortably beneath him, like he was trying to get out.

 

“You know I like to be on top,” he whispered, and his voice came out surprisingly small.

 

Darren sat up again, didn't touch Chris. Chris looked back on him, and his eyes were clearly masking something. These were the moments that confused Darren the most. Chris was a confident guy, he knew what he wanted, he always _told_ Darren what he wanted. And still, he had moments when he seemed heart-achingly vulnerable. Sometimes he looked like Darren scared him, in one way or another.

 

“Get down,” Chris instructed softly. “On your stomach, between my legs. And lick me.”

 

Darren sucked in a breath, leveled his gaze with Chris for a split second, and did as he was told.

 

Once he was down there, with Chris legs up in the air, the heels of Darren's palms keeping Chris cheeks apart with a clear view of his tiny, sensitive hole, he licked a hesitant stripe up it.

 

“Yeah,” Chris said, voice going back to the on Darren recognized. “Yeah, do that.”

 

Darren licked harder, flicked his tongue, sucked at the skin surrounding the rim. Chris moans dragged. He was probably tired from already having come today, but Chris grabbed his cock as Darren licked him. His moans and hitches of breath became more frequent, and he jerked himself off with more force.

 

“Lick harder,” Chris whined.

 

Darren pushed his tongue, then, just going a fraction of an inch inside Chris, and that was what did it. Chris came, trembling with it, and as Darren licked hard and fast over Chris hole, he could feel the muscles there tighten and release deliciously on his mouth.

 

Darren kissed at the skin there a little after Chris was done, just savoring the moment. This was a first. This was absolutely a first. Darren had never gone near another person's ass like this, but he liked it. He liked how he could feel every little flutter of muscle under Chris skin and how it was more of helping Chris masturbate than actual sex. The act was pretty fucking intimate.

 

“Get back up here,” Chris ordered lowly.

 

Darren sat up. Chris was masking something again. And then Chris was on top of him, full body covering him, pinning Darren down in the mattress. Darren took a breath, he hadn't been prepared for that.

 

“Are you totally freaked out?” Chris asked, staring at Darren with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

Darren took a moment to hesitate. Then he chuckled, let out a long breath.

 

“God,” he said. “No. Fuck no.”

 

They kissed. Closed-mouth and slow.

 

“Good,” Chris said. “I don't want you to do something just because _I_ like it, okay?”

 

“Believe me, it was my pleasure,” Darren said lowly.

 

“Good to know,” Chris winked. “And I have to go now.”

 

“Okay,” Darren said, hiding his disappointment.

 

And then Chris was off him, stumbling to get his clothes. Darren wanted to ask where he was going. He always wanted to ask. But he didn't.

 

Chris got dressed, they said their good byes, and Darren buried his face in the pillow and kept it there for the coming hour.

 

*

 

“I'm starting to get sick of this Chris guy,” Joey said.

 

Darren had just been jamming on his guitar in the living room while Joey sorted out his laundry, an episode of Friends on in the background. They'd been silent for a few minutes before Joey said it.

 

Darren looked up, confused. None of their conversation for the past hour had even indicated that Joey would make that statement.

 

“You don't even know him,” Darren said. “What, are you jealous of him or something?”

 

“Ha ha, very funny,” Joey rolled his eyes. He looked at Darren sternly. “I'm serious. I knew something was up with him the moment we met at that party, and then--”

 

Joey stopped.

 

“What do you mean something's up with him?” Darren asked, frowning.

 

“He just seems _off_ ,” Joey said. “Like, he's not quite there?”

 

“You're taking all of that from _one_ drunken encounter, Joey?” Darren actually chuckled.

 

Joey smiled back at him, but Darren got the sense that he was keeping something from him.

 

“You forget I actually met him that night after Brian's party?” Joey said. “When he was just _here_ in all of his half-naked glory?”

 

“Okay, _two_ drunken encounters, then,” Darren teased.

 

Joey scratched his head thoughtfully. Darren was still smiling. Then Joey shrugged.

 

“I'm just looking out for you, man,” he sighed.

 

“Weren't you the one lecturing me on internalized homophobia just a couple of weeks ago?” Darren asked. “If it was a girl, like Denice or whoever, you wouldn't bother giving me this speech.”

 

Joey rolled his shoulders and ran a hand through his messy hair.

 

“Okay, point taken,” he said. “But can you honestly tell me you haven't ever thought that he's acted strange or seemed... unreachable?”

 

“Yes,” Darren lied. “I can honestly tell you that nothing is wrong with him. He and I are having fun. Don't strain yourself, Joey. I'm _fine_.”

 

“If you say so,” Joey mumbled.

 

Darren felt a little bad for lying and turning the tables on Joey, making him feel bad for bringing it up but... His words hit close to home. Darren knew their relationship was weird and that Chris was weird and that most all of it was kind of strange, not exactly the ideal booty call-situation. He just didn't want to face up to it.

 

And it was becoming harder and harder not to, especially with Joey pointing it out.

 

*

 

Darren was, for once, sitting alone at the library. He didn't go there unless his friends wanted to, or unless he was completely screwed from having procrastinated studying for too long. Today's reason was the latter.

 

His ears were filled with music from his brother's bands latest demo, and he was really getting into analyzing the assigned acting method. Writing by hand alone in the library was very '90s, Darren was aware, but it was what helped his flow the best. Besides, nobody else went to the library on a Saturday afternoon, so it was a sanctuary among places that held too many distracting acquaintances of Darren's.

 

After about an hour and a half into drabbling a half-essay and trying to make sense of his teacher's all too confusing notes, he got up from where he was sitting in the corner of the library at a small table for a bathroom break. When he was done in there, the library wasn't empty anymore.

 

It was as if Chris presence _glowed_ , and Darren could feel the heat of it from miles away. His heart immediately beat faster and he felt like he was sweating, but he couldn't approach. He stood helplessly where Chris was standing with his back to him. Chris wasn't alone. There were two people there, two guys, and the three of them were talking casually. Sharing laughs and looks.

 

Chris was going to see him if Darren sat down at his table again, and damnit, Darren was tired of compromising himself. Had it been anyone else in the world he knew, _anyone_ , he would have walked up to them and talked. But no, this was Chris, and Chris was so fucking special. Darren held back a frustrated sigh, and went back to his seat in the corner of the library, where he'd left all of his stuff.

 

Chris was talking with the guys still. One of them was tall, wearing a denim jacket and a beanie. The other was shorter, dark-skinned and with a bright orange scarf wrapped around his neck. The three of them fit together. It felt weird to see Chris this relaxed and casual, to see him laugh and act normal out in the real world. The world he shared with Darren was of another nature, sure, but still.

 

Their eyes met after just a couple of minutes, and it wasn't like last time their eyes had locked in a public place that didn't involve alcohol and loud music. Chris looked like the Chris Darren knew, and it brought an uninhibited joy to Darren. He smiled, and was just about to get up from where he was sitting when Chris shook his head. Darren sat back down quietly, and the smile faded. Right. Chris friends probably didn't even know who Darren was, or if he even existed.

 

Then Chris nodded his head to the bathrooms, indicating they talk there. He held up a hand, meaning he'd go first, and then he left to go there.

 

After just half a minute Darren got up from his seat again.

 

Darren found Chris among the stalls of the bathroom, and when they were alone like this, Darren instinctively thought about sex. He restrained himself, though, and settled on smiling. Chris smiled back tentatively.

 

“Who are they?” Darren asked.

 

Chris looked down at the sinks, and then up into the mirror. Darren was standing next to him and their eyes met in the mirror. Chris said nothing.

 

“Let me guess,” Darren said, pretending to think about it. “You don't want to tell me?”

 

Chris shrugged carelessly. “Pretty much.”

 

Chris turned to Darren, put a hand on his shoulder, squeezed, then moved it to his neck. Darren was familiar with the motion. It meant that Chris was going to press their lips together, but Darren's heart was beating with defiance. They kissed, and even though it was thrilling to do somewhere outside Darren's bedroom, it felt wrong. Darren wanted... Darren wanted to _know_ something. Anything.

 

“What's wrong?” Chris asked, voice hushed.

 

Darren let out a breath through his nose.

 

“Why can't you tell me who those guys are?” Darren asked, feeling as small and stupid and demanding as he had when Chris had told him that they were just casual, and that this was just college.

 

“What's it to you?” Chris asked. “Come on, Darren. How many times do we get to try this?”

 

Darren didn't know what he meant by that, but then Chris kissed him and put his hand on his crotch. Darren felt a rush of arousal, but then he backed away.

 

He would've expected any reaction. Anger. Confusion. Frustration. But Chris looked _hurt_ , as if Darren not wanting to have sex with him in a public bathroom after just realizing how much Chris kept from him was that uncalled for.

 

“Darren?” Chris asked.

 

“I'm not in the mood,” Darren said solemnly.

 

Chris looked like he was trying not to sigh, and it made Darren feel even worse.

 

“What's the matter, Dare?”

 

“You know how I feel,” Darren said, his heart beating hard.

 

He didn't want to ruin everything, but he had to say something. And right now he had to be honest unless he wanted to completely lose respect for himself.

 

“Actually, I don't,” Chris said with distance.

 

“Are you kiddingme, Chris?” Darren asked, and they were looking right at each other now. “I have...” Darren stopped to gather just a little more courage, “ _feelings_ for you and you know that.”

 

Chris opened his mouth and closed it. He didn't look at Darren, he was just staring down at that interesting fucking floor and Darren was starting to feel everything, feel every unreciprocated emotion he had inside.

 

“No, I didn't know you that,” Chris said to the floor. He looked up at Darren slowly. “Can I ask you why?”

 

There was no way of getting inside him now. Chris was closing down, shutting. What was staring at Darren now showed no trace of him. Darren swallowed, trying to find it in himself to respond.

 

“I--- I can't---,” Darren stuttered. “That's not something you can just explain right off the bat. You knew from the start that I wasn't as thrilled with our agreement as you were.”

 

“Okay, I knew that,” Chris said, still not quite there. Fuck, Joey had been right. “Let me put it like this, then: I don't believe you, Darren.”

 

“Don't believe what?” Darren asked, not understanding.

 

“That you have feelings for me,” Chris said.

 

Darren frowned. “What do you mean? I know how I feel about you.”

 

Chris let out an unamused huff of laugher and looked up in the ceiling.

 

“Exactly how long have we known each other for, Darren?” Chris said. “A little over a month? Whenever we meet we have sex.”

 

“I can still---” Darren tried to slink in.

 

“But you don't know me,” Chris went on. “You have no idea where I go when we're done. You don't have a clue what I think about before I go to sleep unless I tell you I was thinking about doing you. You don't know who my friends are. It's downright childish of you to interpret lust and the newness of another person as _love_ , Darren. That's what gets everyone into deep shit, and I'm not the kind of person to screw these things up.”

 

Darren was fighting tears. Confessing your emotions was one thing. It was hard enough. Having them be minimized into nothing, into being _childish_ , was even harder.

 

“I know things about you that no one else does,” Darren whispered without a voice.

 

“Yeah, because I'm not fucking anyone else right now,” Chris said. “No one else knows my current preferences. Congratulations. That hardly counts as knowing me.”

 

Darren's face scrunched.

 

“Why are you being so mean?” He let out a sob.

 

And once one was out, another string of sobs followed. His vision blurred, and he sniffled wetly. He crossed his arms tightly around himself, trying to hold on to something so that he didn't just fall to the floor in front of Chris. He was already crying like a baby, he didn't need to add another reason for Chris to find him absolutely undesirable.

 

Chris put a hand on his shoulder. Darren was embarrassed to feel comforted by it. He knew it was wrong. Chris didn't deserve to pick him back up after saying those things.

 

“Darren,” Chris said softly, and when Darren had blinked away enough tears he could actually see Chris there, not the hard mask he was so prone on hiding behind. “I'm not trying to be mean, and I'm not trying to hurt you.”

 

Darren only sniffled in response.

 

“I mean it,” Chris said. “I like it when we're together, but... You obviously can't tell the difference between wanting to screw someone and wanting to be their boyfriend.”

 

“Would you stop making me sound like a five year old?” Darren asked, feeling tears stock up in his throat again. He swallowed hard to get out the next sentence, and it hurt. “Not everyone is like you, Chris.”

 

Chris did that huff of laughter again, as if Darren's words meant nothing to him. Darren felt a fuming anger start to boil within him. Who gave Chris the right?

 

“Actually,” Darren said. He couldn't stop himself now. “Most people don't make the line between sex and relationships _that_ distinguished. You're just like... desensitized, Chris. To be honest, I feel _sorry_ for you.”

 

A beat.

 

Chris hand dropped from Darren's shoulder. His jaw tensed.

 

“No,” Darren said quickly. “Don't you dare--- Don't start that again.”

 

Chris didn't listen. Chris was hiding again, something in him checked out so that the part of Chris that could deal with the situation remained. It just made Darren angry. It wasn't fair that Darren had to talk to this caricature of the guy he was falling for. They both had to be present.

 

But then Darren regretted his anger immediately, because Chris bottom lip quivered. His eyes didn't fill with tears, but Darren could tell that every last little muscle in his face was working its hardest to keep them back.

 

It was unexpected.

 

“Chris--”

 

Darren had stepped over a line. He didn't know which one, but he had. And his stomach started to hurt from guilt.

 

“Fuck you, Darren,” Chris said, and this was a voice Darren had never heard him use before. “You don't get to be _sorry_ for me, okay?”

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean-”

 

“Besides, you don't even seem to like me that much outside of sex.” Chris words were venom. “And that's exactly what I meant before. Think about how I am when I'm not touching your fucking dick. You think I'm an asshole.”

 

Darren was about to say something, anything, but no words came out. Chris had a way of twisting words and putting Darren in a corner that, even though he knew Chris was wrong, Darren didn't know how to get out of.

 

“I'm leaving now,” Chris said, and he turned on his heel.

 

No. Darren couldn't let him leave. He had to say _something._

 

“You're wrong,” he tried.

 

Chris glanced back at him when he was just outside and slammed the door shut behind himself.

 

*

 

TBC


	5. The Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations.

Once Darren stopped trying to run into Chris anywhere he went, he suddenly started to see him everywhere. At the library, in the cafeteria, in-between classes... It was as if the Universe was shoving opportunities to apologize in his face every other day, and Darren declined every time.

 

It wasn't as if he wanted them to be on bad terms. Darren could still feel butterflies flutter to life inside of him whenever Chris was in the same room. He still got hard from thinking about Chris for too long. He wanted to be with him, but there was no getting through to him.

 

Chris was always hanging around the same guy with the orange scarf that Darren had seen him with in the library that dreaded Saturday afternoon. Darren himself was always surrounded by two or three of his friends at the very least, but Chris and Orange Scarf seemed content with only the company of each other. Half the time Darren spotted Chris at a public place, Chris didn't notice him. Him and Orange Scarf seemed pretty preoccupied with each other, but a part of Darren wanted to believe that Chris pretended not to notice him. That thought didn't hurt as much as thinking Chris wasn't looking around for him at all, anyway.

 

The times their eyes did meet in a crowded room, Darren made sure to get out of there pretty quickly, even more so than when Chris didn't notice him. It wasn't like Darren, but not much that had happened lately had been like him. If anyone noticed, they didn't tell him. Joey kept quiet about the whole ordeal, after the day that Darren had come home after studying at the library after their fight. Darren didn't tell him much about Chris or their conversation, but Joey made the connection and put an arm around him. When he prompted further explanation, Darren shrugged and said that he'd messed up. Darren could make out the relief softening Joey's furrowed brows when he said that they'd probably stop seeing each other, but none of them said anything about it. Something about the fight with Chris had distanced Darren from acting on his initial reactions. It was Chris's face, how it had looked when he visibly winced at Darren's words. It had scared him. It made him realize what kind of impact “just words” could have on another person. Darren felt uncomfortable with who he was.

 

So if Darren's friends noticed his way of drawing back from conversation, his new alertness to the things happening outside of it and escaping inwards, they didn't mention it. Darren could tell Joey made small but firm facial expressions to indicate what was and what wasn't okay whenever someone tried to shake Darren out of himself. It kind of just said 'no, not yet', and Darren was grateful for it. Joey had Darren's back.

 

And apparently, Orange Scarf had Chris's. Darren was ashamed to admit that his initial thought had been that the two of them were a couple. He dismissed the thought almost immediately, not wanting to be too presumptuous and to keep some kind of peace of mind. Seeing them together, though, was a clear mixture of envy and relief. Darren was glad that his words hadn't hurt Chris enough to withdraw him from his universe, which seemed to mostly involve school and Orange Scarf. Then again, no one'd guess that Darren's world had been thoroughly shaken just a week ago. Not at just a far away glance, anyway.

 

And Darren felt like everything inside of him had changed. Like his feelings were just oozing out of him, and that everyone could catch the scent. Maybe Chris was struggling just as bad. The moment Darren had said he took pity on Chris, it had been over. Whatever they were had just ceased to exist, and Darren couldn't understand why. He didn't want to believe that Chris had gone through something that made him the way he was. Bad, hurtful experiences shape a person the most, but it brought Darren more peace not to speculate. His heart started and hurt with every horrible possibility that could've been behind Chris's trembling lower lip.

 

“He has some obvious baggage,” Joey said when they were home alone.

 

Joey had a knack for prompting conversation regarding Chris out of the blue.

 

Darren said nothing.

 

“I talked to him that night,” Joey went on. “You know... drunken encounter number two?”

 

Darren fiddled with a loose string on his jeans. Joey glanced at him carefully. Darren wanted to stare at Joey intently, wanted to know every last detail about Chris he had yet to find out. But his world had shifted, and so he remained still and seemingly unimpressed.

 

“I wasn't that drunk, by the way,” Joey said. “Neither was he. But I got pretty pissed off when I saw him there on the couch, just chilling as if it came naturally to him.”

 

Darren did looked up at Joey then. Joey never got pissed off.

 

“So I asked him, pretty harshly, what the fuck he was doing in my house.” Joey chuckled, shook his head. “Can't believe it, I know, but I did. And he snapped back something about you inviting him and that you were sleeping so I should keep my _'goddamn voice down'_.”

 

Joey made quotation marks in the air when he said the last three words.

 

“So yeah, he said that you and him do _that_ , as in each other, every now and then and that it was none of my business. I told him that he should stay away and stop messing with you and...”

 

“And _why_ did you do that?” Darren muttered, silently enough that he could've been talking to himself.

 

“I don't know, but I think that made him want to be with you more,” Joey said, talking slowly. “I, um... I think he was using you, man.”

 

“For what?” Darren asked patiently.

 

“To get back at me, to get off, to get over someone.” Joey shrugged. “I don't know. But either way, whatever fucking baggage he has that made him treat someone who's obviously in love with him like that, it's not fucking okay.”

 

Darren inhaled sharply. He hadn't even thought it. 'Feelings' was the word he used to describe how he felt for Chris. 'In love' was on another level, and held a painful amount of more accuracy.

 

“Dude, I'm fine,” Darren said with a small voice. “Him and I are over. I'll be fine.”

 

“I'm not sure about that,” Joey said.

 

Darren looked up, questioning.

 

“I've never seen you this worked up about anyone, Darren. What _happened_ between you two?”

 

Darren sighed. “I don't know. Bunch of shit. What does it matter? According to you he was just 'using me' anyway.”

 

“And you're just gonna roll with that?” Joey asked.

 

Darren arched an eyebrow.

 

“You're acting weird, dude. You've got unfinished business with him. I can tell.”

 

“So what do you think I should do?” Darren asked, emotions clogging his voice from coming out normal. “He fucking hates me. He doesn't feel anything I feel.”

 

Darren let out a breath, a sniffle. Joey put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“He means something to you, so he owes you a chance to make it right, okay?” Joey squeezed Darren's shoulder hard enough to make Darren look up at him. “You are worth much. If it makes you feel better, no matter if you guys get back together or not, you should at least talk things out. Clear up whatever is keeping you from each other.”

 

Darren shook his head. “He won't want to.”

 

“Then we'll find someone who'll make him want to.”

 

Joey had obviously had some time to convince himself that this was what Darren needed to do. Darren felt pretty powerless as it was, but he knew that there was someone that probably could convince Chris. The person he saw him with almost every day.

 

“There is someone,” Joey said, staring intently at Darren. “I can tell, you're thinking of someone. Come on, tell me.”

 

“He's...” Darren started. “I don't know him. I've seen him with Chris a lot lately. No idea how close they are, really, but... Maybe.”

 

“Sounds good enough for me,” Joey said and smiled genuinely.

 

Darren looked up, not quite sharing Joey's level of enthusiasm, but smiled back.

 

*

 

Once you start looking for people, they cease to go anywhere you go. Joey and Darren kept an open watch for Orange Scarf at all times, but he was nowhere to be found. Darren would rather look for Chris, really. He would rather talk to _him_ , but he knew that was a lost cause.

 

Another week passed without progress, and Darren was attempting to get back to his life as it used to be. Joey was still stuck in mission: Orange Scarf-mode, and Darren only mildly discouraged him when the subject came up. As long as it distracted Joey from asking Darren about his feelings or what Chris meant to him, or whatever, Darren kept Joey on his mission. He couldn't explain anything he felt right now. He was scared to say anything. It hurt too much. Hit too close to home.

 

During Darren's final lecture of the day a Friday afternoon, his thoughts drifted. He looked forward to getting home, to listen to his corniest, most favorite the Beatles love songs, all the while writing his essay. The Beatles were pretty much the soundtrack of Darren's life nowadays. Their blatant, unquestioning enthusiasm and optimism brightened the darkness inside of him.

 

After the lecture, he felt a tap on his shoulder once the students were out of the lecture hall. He turned, expecting Joey or Lauren or Brian or even _Dylan_ , but finding none of them. It was Denise, and seeing her there in all of her red-head rockergirl glory stopped something inside of Darren.

 

“Denise!” he exclaimed, not knowing what to say. “Hi!”

 

Denise smiled brightly and pulled him in for a warm hug. She said nothing.

 

The two of them had a history of casual sex, and though they were great together, their groups of friends kind of clashed and kept them apart. They hadn't seen each other in a pretty long while now. The feelings they had for each other were purely platonic, but now that Denise hugged him Darren couldn't help but want... everything from her. Something about the embrace said that she knew what piece of shit funk Darren was going through at the moment, and it felt good.

 

“I heard you were going through something,” she whispered in Darren's ear. “Someone's not treating you right.”

 

Darren sighed, melted further against her.

 

“We've always picked each other up,” Denise continued, her hand caressing Darren's back. “Wanna go back to mine?”

 

And without a second thought, Darren said yes.

 

*

 

Denise was fun. She was round, and soft, and Darren grabbed her sides with enthusiasm when they made out on her bed. Darren laughed for the first time in long, threw his head back from the force of it. He gasped when her hand pressed at his cock through his clothes. She took it as an encouragement and squeezed around it. She kissed Darren's neck. Once she did, though, Darren realized that he wasn't getting hard. He didn't feel anything. His heart started and beat fast.

 

Denise didn't let that discourage her. She kept kissing, feeling, groping. Meanwhile, every troubling thought that had been kept out of Darren's mind from the minute he saw Denise after the lecture came rushing back all at once, and now Denise tried to undo Darren's pants, tried to pull them down, and Darren was frozen to the spot.

 

“Stop,” Darren said, but his voice was gone.

 

Denise pulled back and looked at him.

 

“Darren, are you okay?” she asked, still touching him, her voice soft and soothing.

 

Darren willed his face not to scrunch up like it wanted to, tried to keep his features calm and expressionless but it was _hard_ and judging by the way Denise was still staring at him his attempt was completely unsuccessful.

 

“I need to...” Darren shook his head, stirred where he was beneath Denise. He had to get out.

 

Denise just grabbed him then, held him closer.

 

“Darren, stop,” Denise said. Her eyes were so _there_ , on him, not hiding anything or wanting to go anywhere. “Please. Breathe.”

 

Darren put the heels of his palms on his eyes and turned out of Denise's grasp. He folded in on himself, biting the insides of his cheeks. He couldn't breathe. He was going to throw up, right now, he really was. His heart was beating out of his chest. Any source of oxygen had vanished. Darren saw nothing, only inside himself, and there was nothing there to get him out of what was straining his lungs so bad.

 

“Darren?” Denise voice came back into Darren's hearing. “Can you hear me?”

 

Darren's lungs opened up, and with that, a flow of tears rolled down Darren's cheeks. He put his hands down and rolled onto his back. Denise looked pretty wrecked where she was sitting on the bed beside him. She put a comforter over him silently.

 

“Please, please, talk to me,” Denise whispered, a hand on the side of Darren's wet face.

 

Darren relaxed, his limbs feeling loose and his mind slipping at the contrast of having been so sudden and intensely emotional just a moment ago. He breathed slowly before responding. He felt pretty humiliated, embarrassed to have such a physical response to what he was feeling. He hated himself for being so clumsy. For speaking his mind. For taking pity on someone who obviously didn't want it.

 

“Darren, what just happened?” Denise asked. “You never keep these things to yourself.. I'm... I'm worried, okay? Did I do something wrong? You're scaring me.”

 

“I'm in love with him,” Darren said. He couldn't live under his own restraints, couldn't bear it, he was too fucking weak. “I'm in love with Chris and he doesn't love me back.”

 

Darren's face scrunched, it _scrunched,_ and he didn't stop it. He sniffled grossly, cried.

 

But Denise kissed his cheek and cuddled into him. She stayed. Didn't scold him. Didn't laugh at his expressive face.

 

“So this isn't going to work,” Denise said, sounding a bit disappointed.

 

“Probably not,” Darren said, chuckling dryly. “I don't know.”

 

Denise kissed Darren's shoulder.

 

“I'm sorry, Denise,” Darren whispered. “You didn't ask for this, I'm... I'm not in a good place right now.”

 

“Don't apologize,” Denise said. “It doesn't matter whether I asked for it or not, Darren. You're feeling this right now, and that matters. You're... exploding all over the place. He means something to you. And if he's about to pass that up...”

 

Denise shook her head noticeably, and Darren smiled.

 

“He'd probably call me crazy and want to slap some sense into me,” Darren said.

 

“You _are_ pretty crazy,” Denise agreed with a small laugh. “You feel things on a greater scale. That's what we all love about you.”

 

Darren hummed. And those words stayed with him, stayed deep in his heart right next to Chris.

 

*

 

The coming days, Darren and Denise kept more contact than they had before. Their relationship had been close to what Darren and Chris used to have, just texting to hook up and only spending sporadic nights together. Now they talked a lot more, and Darren realized how little he actually knew about Denise. She was turning out to be a really cool person, who had gone through something similar to what Darren was going through right now. It felt as if she was reading Darren's mind. She always said exactly what he needed to hear.

 

Darren was on the phone with her after class around noon one thursday, reveling in the fact that he only had one class left and none on friday. She was not sharing his good mood given that she had to do an exam the next day. Darren was laughing with her by the time he entered the cafeteria. He wanted to get a coffee before he left, but then he stopped dead in his tracks.

 

By one of the tables, the one at the far end into the corner of the large room, Joey was having a coffee with Orange Scarf. Darren's voice stopped. His face stuck into an incredulous expression, and he kind of just stood there until Denise yelled at him and he felt someone bump into his shoulder aggressively when they walked by him.

 

He blinked. The both of them looked like they were kind of enjoying themselves, all polite smiles and expressive hand motions when they talked. Darren had wanted to go up to them at first and say something, sit himself down, completely _drill_ Chris's friend on information about him. But then he changed his mind.

 

None of them noticed him, and Darren excused himself to Denise, urged her to go on with what she was saying. He was only half-listening and forgot about getting that coffee as he left the cafeteria. He knew Joey had been busy trying to talk to that guy for a while, but Darren had somehow forgot what a force of nature Joey was once he set his mind on something. Darren hadn't realized all of this meant that much to him, since Joey didn't particularly _like_ Chris and had apparently had several disagreements with him before.

 

And still, he was sitting there talking to one of his best friends just to try to get Chris and Darren to get together and talk things out. Darren felt a rush of affection hit him, diminishing the sense of confusion that resided within him. He didn't know how long Joey and him had been talking or what they'd been talking about, but he'd find out soon enough. He had to.

 

*

 

Darren didn't ask Joey at first. He wanted to wait it out, see if Joey was going to take the first step. That was when Darren seriously started consider the possibility of Joey having done this for longer than Darren had originally suspected, because Joey didn't let on about anything that was going on. Darren made every question he asked him somehow relatable to what him and Orange Scarf were supposedly doing, and yet, nothing. It was as if they purposely didn't want Darren to know anything and it bothered him.

 

Did Chris know? Had _they_ talked to Chris, together? Was Darren the one who was completely out of the loop, knowing nothing?

 

Darren's curiosity reached its peak only a day and a half later, when Joey and him were home alone and Joey was bothering Darren to play video games with him.

 

“Come on, man, we need to be two players to get through the boss,” Joey said. “We have nothing better to do. I know you don't. Come _on._ ”

 

“Why don't you just go ask your new best friend?” Darren asked. “You know, the one you haven't even mentioned to me?”

 

Darren looked up from where he was half-lying on his bed with a magazine, and Joey stopped. He looked like he was processing. It was kind of a low blow, and an extremely childish thing to say, but whenever Joey was around he got the same 'little brother' kind of behavior as he did whenever he hung out with his older brother Chuck.

 

And now Joey knew that Darren knew.

 

“You mean Sam,” Joey said eventually, voice flat.

 

“If that's Orange Scarf's real name, then yes,” Darren said with a shrug, looking back down in his magazine.

 

Joey sat down on the bed next to Darren with a sigh.

 

“I know how this looks, but I didn't intend to keep anything from you, okay?” he said.

 

Darren huffed, but before he could say anything Joey kept talking.

 

“No, okay, listen,” he rushed. “I didn't tell you because we were kind of... planning something? Like two bros do for their bros.”

 

“Don't try sweet talking me,” Darren said, and but he couldn't hide his grin. He put the magazine on the night stand beside the bed.

 

Joey rolled his eyes.

 

“No, but really,” he said. “We kind of wanted to make you guys's reunion seem... all _you,_ you know?”

 

“How would that even work?” Darren asked. “He doesn't... Chris doesn't-”

 

“Chris _does_ , a lot more than you know,” Joey cut him off.

 

Darren kept silent then. Okay. Joey knew things, and Darren apparently didn't know anything. That wasn't how this was supposed to work at all.

 

“He cares, Darren,” Joey clarified.

 

“How do you...” Darren started, then stopped, shaking his head.

 

“Okay, I'm not going to-,” Joey sighed. “Sam says that Chris is crazy about you, but that it's... complicated, for him.”

 

“That sounds like a bunch of bull,” Darren muttered.

 

Anyone else telling Darren that Chris had feelings for him at this point proved nothing. Especially not after Denise's thorough exercise of getting Darren to accept that him and Chris were nothing anymore, and probably never had been.

 

“Trust me, it's not,” Joey said.

 

Silence filled the room. Joey looked around a little, fidgeting. There was so much Joey wasn't telling him, so much that Darren wanted to find out. But not like this.

 

“Does Chris know about this?” Darren asked.

 

“No, not at all,” Joey said, putting his hands up. “He has no idea.”

 

There was so much that Darren _could_ find out as well. He could arrange for him and Sam to meet. He could ask Sam everything he didn't know about Chris, since Joey had described them as 'bros'. And still, Darren didn't feel any sense of relief at knowing he had a connection to a person in the world that could tell him about Chris.

 

The fact that that person wasn't _Chris_ only made his stomach hurt and for his heart to start beating like it had that night with Denise. And Chris wasn't 'crazy' about him. He couldn't be. They weren't... Chris hadn't shown any signs of... Okay, there had been _signs_ , but they'd been vague and Darren really didn't want to think about it until Chris could confirm it.

 

“So what do you want to do?” Joey asked. “You want to talk to him, or..?”

 

“I want to talk to Chris,” Darren sighed, looking down.

 

“Dude, are you mad at me..?”

 

Darren looked up at Joey again. He looked so _innocent_ , didn't realize...

 

“No,” Darren said. “I don't know what you and Sam have been talking about, but, dude... Why didn't you just try to get us together as fast as possible? Why was it necessary for you to go on.. fucking _lunch dates_ or whatever before even mentioning anything to me?”

 

Joey chuckled at that, but stopped when Darren didn't join in.

 

“Like I said, it's complicated,” he said. “I mean... _Chris_ is complicated. Okay?”

 

“I don't understand,” Darren said.

 

“He's been through-,” Joey started.

 

“No, don't tell me,” Darren interrupted him. “Just... Can you ask Sam to talk to Chris? Tell him about all of this?”

 

“Darren, come on,” Joey said.

 

“No, stop telling me to 'come on', okay?” Darren said. “You guys gossiping about us is way out of fucking line! Don't you get that? I don't want you to tell me something about Chris that you got through _Sam_ , do you understand? If Chris is so fucking complicated then there's a good chance not even Sam knows enough to be a reliable source of information. I don't get--”

 

“I was trying to _help_ ,” Joey said through gritted teeth. “Do you think I'm stupid? I know it's not the ideal way of getting two people together, but we haven't been gossiping.”

 

“You talked behind our backs,” Darren said.

 

“Yeah,” Joey said. “But what were we supposed to do? The two of you are fucking miserable. Everything isn't black and white here.”

 

Darren sighed. Joey was right. He knew that much. But even considering the possibility of Chris being as miserable as him, of wanting Darren just as much... It hit close to home, and everything felt too personal. Darren wrapped his arms around himself and huffed a breath.

 

“I know.” He looked at Joey. “I know you're just doing your best to like... make me feel better. But I don't feel better, Joe.”

 

Joey put a hand on Darren's shoulder.

 

“So let us help you,” he said. “Come with me next time Sam and I meet. There are some things that you really should know, but it would be better if Sam told you.”

 

Darren nodded. Okay. That much he could do.

 

*

 

When Sam, Joey and Darren met, things didn't go down like Darren had thought. Joey and Sam _hugged_ when they greeted each other, and Sam smiled invitingly at Darren. Darren nodded and smiled back, put out his hand and told him his name. They were at Sam's dorm, where he was living with a couple of other guys (not Chris), and they were going to order take-out and talk stuff out.

 

'Stuff'. Everything still felt a little too personal for Darren's liking. He felt like he was just messing things up, and that too many people were getting involved. But Sam and Joey _were_ involved, and he couldn't undo that now.

 

When they were at the table and Sam and Joey were talking casually, Darren smiled, not really participating. Then he got nervous.

 

“Please tell me you didn't invite Chris, too,” he said out of the blue.

 

Joey and Sam looked at him, shaken out of their conversation, and then Sam smiled widely.

 

“Fuck, why didn't we think of that?” he asked Joey.

 

“That would've been perfect,” Joey agreed.

 

“No, it wouldn't have,” Darren disagreed.

 

Joey and Sam laughed.

 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized. “Of course we wouldn't do that, man.”

 

“Good,” Darren said.

 

“Darren's still not totally okay with all of this, by the way,” Joey explained with a shrug.

 

“Oh,” Sam said. “Why not?”

 

He looked straight at Darren then. Darren shifted a little uncomfortably. Sam's eyes were so intense, big and brown and staring. Something about his sense of humor, his way of smiling genuinely and being comfortable with Joey and Darren even though they hadn't known each other for long reminded Darren of himself. Or of who he used to be, before his way of being had totally _broken_ what him and Chris were.

 

“It doesn't feel right,” Darren said. “Chris should... Chris really _should_ be here, even if it would be awkward.”

 

“This isn't about back-talking anyone,” Sam said. “It's about understanding all parts of the story, which can be pretty hard if you don't know what's happened... lately.”

 

“What does that mean?” Darren asked.

 

“It means that Chris has been acting strange even to me who's known him for three years,” Sam explained. “I mean, things kind of... I get why he's acting like this, but...”

 

“So, why is he?” Darren prompted, getting anxious.

 

“He might have been through this before,” Sam said, shifting slightly, eyes darting.

 

“Might have been through it?” Darren repeated. “What do you mean 'might'?”

 

“I mean that he's been through it, but then the roles were reversed,” Sam explained.

 

Oh. Darren couldn't for the life of him imagine Chris acting like him; all moon-eyed with his crush, wanting everything, being needy and remembering every encounter, storing moments away in a memory-file of happiness.

 

“It was me,” Sam said then. “I was the one who he... Was in love with.”

 

Darren stopped imagining Chris then and just stared at Sam. Joey looked at Darren with distance. He obviously knew all of this already.

 

“We didn't have sex,” Sam said quickly. “We made out sometimes, and I thought I was getting feelings for him, but... It was just because of how close friends we were, and how he felt for me. Like I was the perfect guy. He said all of these things and I thought I wanted him sometimes because of that, but... I don't. He was my friend before he developed those feelings for me, and he's my friend now, but...”

 

Sam sighed, looking a lot less confident than he had before.

 

“I hurt him,” he said. “It was never my intention, but that was what he took from the whole ordeal. And then he went out to a party and looked up the first guy who wanted to have sex with him and did just that. Which isn't like him at all.”

 

Darren nodded slowly.

 

“And then I noticed changes in him,” Sam said. “Positive changes. He got less interested in me, and he was kind of just floating around and... Apparently getting what he wanted. Someone's attention... Your attention.”

 

“Wait,” Darren said. “I was the first guy he found to have sex with?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam said, and he smiled. “Funny how things work out, huh?”

 

Darren didn't smile back. He kind of just stared emotionlessly.

 

“I'm a rebound,” he said flatly.

 

“No,” Sam said quickly. “I mean, at first... At first, yeah. You kind of were.”

 

“At first?” Darren asked.

 

“Yeah, but then... Then I guess he started to get real feelings for you,” Sam said. “I knew he was seeing someone, and I kind of annoyed him by asking about it and eventually he said that you and him were just 'hooking up'. Then I accused him of it being more than that and he got really... really fucking defensive, like, I have never seen him like that before.”

 

The doorbell rang, and the three of them jumped, startled out of the serious conversation. Sam and Joey laughed.

 

“It's probably the pizza,” Joey said. “I'll go get it.”

 

He left Sam and Darren alone in the kitchen. Darren was still caught up in Sam's story. Ethics and personal boundaries were out the window. He needed to understand.

 

“Um, yeah,” Sam said, trying to remember where the story had left off. “Then he explained to me how in love with me he'd been and he was so upset. He hadn't let on how much he'd been hurt before... I had noticed, but not the full extent of it. He kind of broke down on me that night. Like, explaining his childhood and why he is who he is and... It was all very, very personal. I thought I had known him before that, but I really didn't.”

 

Darren was holding his breath.

 

“We had sex that night,” Sam said, and he didn't look happy about it. “I felt... Fuck, I felt sorry for him and I regret doing that now since I know how much I have meant to him, but...”

 

Darren felt his heart beat hard. Sam had fucked Chris because he felt sorry for him. No wonder Chris got so fucking angry when Darren told him he pitied his relationship with sex. To Darren, Chris had been a stonewall of non-emotions, and here he had an entire history disproving that theory.

 

Sam sighed. “I knew it was wrong as soon as it happened. I had to go through telling him we couldn't be together _again._ Like, I'm even dating someone else and it's all... I'm not any sort of hero in this story. I'm the opposite. I feel fucking bad about it.”

 

“Yeah,” Darren said. He didn't exactly want to comfort Sam, but he still understood why he'd done what he did, to some extent.

 

“And then he got so distrusting,” Sam sighed. “I felt like I couldn't talk to him at all anymore.”

 

Darren shook his head. Joey came back in with the pizza, got them all beers and sat down.

 

“Then things got better,” Sam said. “I don't exactly know how, but it did. Now that I think back on it, everything happened really fucking fast even though it didn't feel like it at the time. We became friends again, and I think he really _is_ over me now. Like, over and done with me for real. And then one day we went to the library. Him, me and my boyfriend. And a certain someone was there.”

 

Darren raised his eyebrows. Oh.

 

“I don't know what happened between you guys, but after that day he got just as upset and distant as he'd been after I hurt him,” Sam said, looking down. “And now I'm kind of trying to make that right.”

 

Darren smiled crookedly. Okay. So he had apparently ruined everything that Chris had built up after he got over Sam by throwing accusations in his face, by asking too much of him. Chris hadn't been ready for a relationship. He needed someone to _want_ him in that way, in the way that Sam didn't want him, while finally starting to feel better about himself and his relationship with Sam, platonic as it was. And then Darren had gotten all pissed about it, asked too much, because he really _didn't know anything_ , just like Chris had said. He didn't know him.

 

“And now Darren's kind of stuck in the middle of it all,” Joey said. “Like, it might not sound like it, but you were the reason Chris got better after what happened between him and Sam. For real. And now he's not angry about what happened between the two of them, but what happened between you and him. Which we kind of... What really happened?”

 

“I told him I had feelings for him,” Darren confessed with a shrug. “And he told me that he didn't want me. He got to tell me just what you told him, Sam. What goes around comes around, I guess.”

 

Sam looked at Darren, confused. “But he does have feelings for you.”

 

“How do you know that?” Darren sighed, unconvinced.

 

“Because he told m--” Sam started, then stopped. “I shouldn't be telling you that.”

 

Darren inhaled through his mouth and exhaled through his nose, trying not to get his hopes up.

 

“He told me, explicitly, that I don't know him enough to have feelings for him,” Darren said. “So why would he tell you anything about how he feels for me if he believes that?”

 

“Because I---,” Sam started, and he looked like he was feeling really bad about it. “I didn't take him seriously when he said he was starting to... want more with you than sex. I didn't know you then, Darren. I didn't know Joey. Even if I was happy with how he was feeling better, I kind of encouraged him to keep things casual with you so that no one's feelings would get hurt. I guess I kind of screwed all of that up.”

 

“So _you_ convinced him of that,” Darren said, and he felt all of the upset and anger he'd been turning inwards the past weeks get directed elsewhere, directed towards Sam.

 

No wonder Chris had been so apprehensive with Darren. Darren had noticed how closed-off Chris had been emotionally even when they had sex. He'd had an outside source, an outside source that meant _a lot_ to him, tell him to do that. Darren felt screwed over. Darren felt like _Chris_ had been completely screwed over. None of this was fair.

 

“Dude, he didn't know--” Joey started, noticing the signs of Darren's change of mood before Sam.

 

“I want to talk to Chris,” Darren said.

 

“Dude, chill,” Joey tried.

 

“I am _chilling_ ,” Darren said angrily. “I just think that Chris should know shit, too.”

 

“I think that should wait,” Sam said slowly.

 

“And you think we should trust your judgement after what you've told us?” Darren asked. “The sooner I get to talk to Chris, the sooner we can move on from this.”

 

Sam closed his mouth, took another thoughtful bite of his pizza.

 

“You're right,” Sam said then. “Go for it. You should call him.”

 

Darren stared at the two of them, Joey and Sam, before picking up his phone and going to Chris's number among his contacts.

 

He was going to make this right.

 

*

 

TBC


	6. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I really did miss you."

After three calls went straight to voice mail, Darren gave up on trying to call Chris today. The tension in Sam's kitchen started to dissipate for each time Darren put his phone down, and the conversations went farther from Chris and the seriousness of their situation for every word that was spoken. The only small mention of him was, “He's not picking up?” from Sam, and when Darren shook his head, “you probably won't have any luck with it tonight. Let's just hang out instead.”

 

Said and done, the guys had their pizza, and Sam and Joey acted like best bros, and they kept discussing trivial things. It might've worked to keep their consciences clean, but Darren's shoulders were still tight. He hadn't decided on how he'd approach Sam now that he knew his part of the story. Darren could understand the discomfort of having a close friend fall for you. He himself had been in a similar situation once. The part that bothered him was the fact that Sam actually lead Chris on, had _sex_ with him, and tried to convince Chris that it was safer not to feel anything, for any person, at all.

 

Darren cared about _Chris_. He had no desire to impress this Sam-fellow, who had admittedly been the one to discourage Chris's feelings towards him and put them in an awkward position. A part of Darren strongly disagreed with that notion, reminding him that it was _his own fault_ , that putting the blame on others was too easy. Darren's heart beat with conflicted emotions. And Sam and Joey were still sitting there, chatting away as happily as ever. They went to the living room and popped in a movie, one that Darren hadn't seen before and didn't care enough to remember the name of.

 

Darren was just about to attempt to join the lighthearted conversation and actually care about the movie when he felt his phone buzz in his hands. He clicked the home-button with a shaking thumb, and the screen said _New Message from Chris._

 

Darren tried not to inhale audibly like he wanted to, tried not to let on the pace of his now erratically beating heart. But his hands were starting to shake and his nerves betrayed him. He slid the phone unlocked and got to Chris's message.

 

_I'm at work so I can't pick up the phone. What's up?_

 

Casual. Chris went for casual of all things. Chris actually responded, went out of his way while he was working to send Darren a text. Darren couldn't stop the hopefulness starting within him. His body went from being tight with worry and regret to fill with nerves of excitement as he tried to think of an appropriate response.

 

_I just miss you._

 

He'd never get to see Chris again if he told him everything that had happened tonight, and everything he now knew. Missing him didn't have to mean anything, really. It could be purely sexual and non-romantic and exactly what Chris wanted from him.

 

_Shift ends in ten minutes. Wanna meet at yours?_

 

Darren's thumbs stumbled over the screen so quickly he had to go back and change almost every word from being misspelled.

 

_Yeah. I'm not home now but I'll be there in fifteen._

 

Chris's response came immediately.

 

_Okay. See you soon._

 

Darren looked up from his phone to see that Sam and Joey were watching him with expectant smiles. Of course they'd noticed he was just sitting there texting away, not participating in any way. He smiled back hesitantly.

 

“It's just my buddy Denise,” he lied with a shrug. “She asked me to meet up with her at our place.”

 

“Oh, you're leaving?” Sam asked, sounding weirdly disappointed.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Darren said. “She said it was important.”

 

“Okay, well you two have all the fun you want,” Joey winked. Darren rolled his eyes. He had told Joey that him and Denise weren't _those_ kind of friends anymore. “I'm staying here over the night, so.”

 

Darren looked at Sam who looked at Joey, and tried to hide the relief he felt at not risking interruptions tonight.

 

“Cool,” he said casually. “Okay. I'll see you guys around then.”

 

They nodded and high fived him before he left, which was still kind of weird given their situation, but Darren just went with it. There was no sense in causing disturbance with them now that he'd make things right with Chris.

 

Once Darren was out the door he filled his lungs with air, held it there for a couple seconds, and released it. His body didn't respond the way he wanted it to, though. His shoulders still felt tight and big on either side of his head, and his heart beat hard with betrayal. He wanted to just be cool, but damn it, he hadn't met Chris in two weeks. Now that he knew about him, now that he knew some extent of what he'd been through, he felt his stomach flutter and churn as if he was sitting on a roller coaster going down its steepest slope.

 

*

 

Seeing Chris outside of his dorm, clad in his regular brown leather jacket and dark-blue jeans, brought a mixture of comfortable familiarity and new point of view after everything he'd found out about him tonight to Darren. The way Chris held himself, very poised in the way that you could tell he was present but not uptight, gave away that he knew how he looked to the world. Darren himself didn't have the same level of self consciousness. Darren knew that you couldn't tell by looking at Chris that he'd been hurt the way he had, but maybe that was a conscious decision. Chris made himself look more confident than he was.

 

Chris's jaw stiffened once he heard someone walk towards him, and the miniscule turn and tilt of his head as he looked for the source of the sound was familiar. Darren immediately smiled, couldn't help himself. They'd been in this position plenty of times. Meeting up, hooking up, and doing each other casually. And still, Darren felt like a kid on Christmas morning, given that it had been two weeks since they actually met.

 

Last time had been different, though, and Darren wasn't completely certain why Chris had agreed to see him. He'd even been the one to propose for them to meet at all. But Chris smiled as if nothing had happened and Darren smiled back, doing a dorky little wave before they were up close.

 

“Hey,” Darren said. “How are you?”

 

Casual. Keep it casual.

 

“Just fine,” Chris nodded. “Work was a drag, but um... I'm here now. How about you?”

 

“Yeah, I'm cool,” Darren said quickly, barely hearing what Chris said because of how nervous he was.

 

They were silent for a moment before Darren spoke up again.

 

“I really... I really did miss you.”

 

Chris regarded Darren carefully. Darren could tell by the way his eyebrows were slightly arched, how his bottom lip jutted out that he was trying to assess the moment, thinking of what was appropriate and what wasn't, and then his worried lips turned into a confident smirk.

 

“Mh,” Chris hummed and stepped into Darren's personal space. He tilted his head. “Did you?”

 

“I did,” Darren nodded and looked at Chris's eyes, watching them darken as they flitted over Darren's features.

 

“I'm here now,” Chris whispered seductively, a hand going up to trace Darren's bicep, and _God_ it did things to him.

 

Darren bit his lip, still staring at Chris's eyes and knowing what they meant. Chris was not up for talking tonight, that was for sure. The intensity and electricity of them said it all, and Darren wanted to give into it. He didn't want to think of what was between them and what they had been through, so he decided to put things off, just for now. Just so they could do what they wanted. Chris could probably sense Darren's hesitation, because he squeezed Darren's shoulder and stared at him with those big, filthy eyes that only wanted one thing. Darren couldn't say no to that. So he gave in.

 

They were in Darren's apartment without as much as another exchange of words, and Chris took his jacket and put his hands on Darren's shoulders, squeezing, as soon as they were in Darren's bedroom. Darren looked up at Chris's lips and let out a shuddering breath. The affirmation he felt from being wanted this way filled his chest.

 

Chris leaned down and brushed Darren's lips with his own. Darren tilted his head up and met them, putting pressure into the kiss. His hands went to Chris's sides automatically. The motions of making out with Chris were almost down to his core now, he could do it without thinking. But he _had_ to think. Had to realize that Chris was broken, and that they wouldn't get anywhere fast if they kept going like this. But then Chris licked into Darren's mouth, and the silence of the room filled Darren's ears, made his thoughts slip away. The moment felt serene, honest even, in spite of everything Chris didn't know Darren knew.

 

Some part of Chris might have had a hunch. He must have caught up on the tender way Darren accepted his kisses tonight, the way he restrained the eagerness he usually kept no bounds on. But Chris didn't put two and two together. He just kept going, and before they knew it they were out of their shirts and Chris was on top of Darren on the bed.

 

Darren would have thought it would be hard to slip in to these roles this time, after Darren had laid it all out and confessed his true feelings and Chris rejected him cold-heartedly. He would have thought it would feel strange, somehow, to have the person who'd ignored him for two weeks push him down in the mattress like so many times before. Hear him groan silently above him, nip at his jawline, suck kisses into his tender skin.

 

Rather, their two week fall out rather made everything more intense. They were both going slower than they usually did, savoring every moment. Barely-there presses of lips. Chris holding Darren's hands down into the mattress on either side of him. Chris's shuddering breaths going over Darren's throat as he licked up along a prominent vein gently. Darren had gotten hard as soon as their lips first met, and by now his erection was about to verge on painful, but he still let himself be held down, let Chris take control. He took deep breaths and allowed moments to pass without a rush.

 

Though the motions were pretty much the same except slower, most of what they were doing felt different to Darren. The guy on top of him wasn't some sexual deviant who was only in it for sex and a quick fix, not deep down. The guy on top of him had been severely hurt and pity-fucked and rejected. He'd been denied feeling the full extent of his emotions, cut himself off not to go through rejection a third time. He refused to believe, for a second, that Darren meant every last word he'd said when he confessed how Chris truly made him feel when they were together. How he felt everything in his very core, and not just physically.

 

Chris released Darren's hands and instead shifted his weight onto his forearms now situated on either side of Darren's head. The change made the sensation even more intensely intimate. Darren could feel Chris's thigh press between his legs, could feel every last inch that covered him. Their chests moved together as they shared breaths, kissing slowly. Darren grasped for Chris's bare sides. His fingers brushed into the dip in Chris's back, traced it up and down. Chris's breathing changed at that, caught a little in his throat, and Darren felt a very clear stiffening where Chris's cock was pressing down onto his hip.

 

Darren's body was tingling, verging on uncomfortable, and Chris kissed him harder. Darren hummed and squeezed Chris's sides. Chris ground his hips down onto Darren, and fuck. He'd missed this. He'd missed the way his jeans pressed and refused his erection to spring free. He'd missed the friction of Chris's hard package grinding along side it. He'd missed being held down, he'd missed loss of control, he'd missed hard kisses and fleeting gazes that meant much and holding back cries of pleasure.

 

But something in him wanted stop. He needed to say something, something that indicated that he _knew_ that he _understood_ and that he wanted to talk about it whenever Chris was ready.

 

Darren pushed his head back a little, away from Chris's eager mouth, and their eyes met. Darren felt his heart start up, beating faster but not from arousal.

 

Chris's eyes were wet.

 

“Chris,” Darren barely-voiced, a hand going to cup his cheek and dry the wet corner of his eye.

 

Darren could feel more tears press against his thumb then, one drop escaping when Chris blinked and landing on Darren's cheek.

 

“What's the matter?” Darren asked, voice soft and god, he didn't mean to sound pitiful but he kind of did.

 

Darren was surprised at Chris's presence, how his eyes didn't immediately dry up and go hard at Darren's noticing how emotional he was. No, Chris was _there_ and he was trying to manage his stuttering breaths and swallowed down what Darren assumed were sobs.

 

“It's... been rough,” Chris breathed out then, leaning down to kiss Darren fully again. “Without you.”

 

Chris's eyelashes brushed against Darren and he could feel the wetness there. Darren kissed back, brows furrowing. He mussed his hands up into Chris's hair and held their lips together for a few moments, just _there_ and emotional and hearts aching for intimacy. He wanted this moment to last forever. Wanted Chris to be present, to feel, to allow his emotions to tip over and flow out, to let Darren into his space more than just physically.

 

Then Chris started to hump Darren more purposefully, chasing whatever sensation was coming to him and Darren wasn't late to follow. He could feel the familiar curling in his stomach that only accelerated when Chris started to gasp and moan above him. Darren's hand went to take a couple of handfuls of Chris's ass, ground up against him and then Chris suddenly stilled tightly for a moment before a string of pornographic noises emptied out of him as he came, and amazingly, Darren came at the exact same time.

 

Once cooled down and sated, Chris heavy and lax above him, Darren caught him with his eyes wet and reddened yet again. It felt as though Chris knew. And Darren wanted to make it all right, wanted to stop Chris from crying any more. He kissed Chris sweetly.

 

“I'm sorry,” Darren whispered against Chris's lips. “I'm so sorry for what I said to you last time. I wasn't thinking. I was so stupid, Chris.”

 

“Don't,” Chris murmured. “I didn't treat you right, I...”

 

Chris stopped himself mid-sentence and kissed Darren.

 

Darren's hand went to grasp at Chris's shoulders again and they looked at each other for a moment, just breathing and calming down.

 

“I shouldn't have said what I said,” Darren said, shaking his head a little bit. “I didn't know what it meant.”

 

Chris looked at Darren for a moment, and for a split second it felt as though Chris knew that Darren knew. For a split second they shared a silent exchange where everything was out in the open and they were so still. The silence of the room suddenly felt empty, and Chris's eyes hardened. He avoided meeting Darren's gaze directly, and he squirmed almost unnoticeably on top of Darren in discomfort.

 

“Chris, no,” Darren said and held Chris almost forcefully, afraid that he might run away. “Please, tell me what you're thinking.”

 

“You did something,” Chris said then, staring down at Darren with distance. “I can tell. You've... What did you do, Darren?”

 

Chris sat up next to Darren on the bed, stretched his arms out over his head and looked away. Darren suddenly felt very cold. His stomach _hurt_ with overstepped boundaries, with the guilt he felt at finding out about Chris's personal life without his consent.

 

“Why did you call me before?” Chris asked when Darren kept silent.

 

He sounded as if he was trying not to let his mouth run away with him. Speaking slowly, every word carefully articulated.

 

“I...,” Darren started.

 

He'd been so prone on letting Chris know everything just a couple of hours ago. If Chris had picked up the phone then he might've told him everything, because then he hadn't expected Chris to want to forgive him anyway. Now, though... Now that they'd shared _this_ , each other's personal space and kisses and orgasms like nothing needed to be said, he hesitated.

 

“Just tell me,” Chris said.

 

He lied down next to him and carded his fingers through Darren's hair tenderly.

 

“I wanted to talk,” Darren said, and his voice was small, soaked with guilt. “I wanted to apologize for... for what I said to you.”

 

“And now you have,” Chris said slowly. “But there's something else.”

 

“There's something else,” Darren repeated, mostly to stall.

 

They shared another one of those looks, one that clearly estimated the distance between them, the one that could only be filled by Darren telling Chris the truth. And so, Darren took a breath of preparation before he said the words he'd been so scared to utter.

 

“I talked to Sam.”

 

Chris's eyes changed with several different ranges of held-back emotion, but Darren could make them all out. First, shock. Second, confusion. Third, rage. And fourth, resentment. But Chris stayed next to Darren. He could feel the way Chris was stiffening next to him, how his muscles went tight and how he tried so hard not to let his initial reactions get the best of him, but he was there.

 

“What did he say?” Chris asked, surprisingly composed.

 

“He...,” Darren started, then stopped.

 

He felt as if his lungs were giving out on him, as if everything was too close. It was similar to the way he'd felt when Denise tried to have sex with him. As if he was betraying someone, betraying _Chris_ and it affected him to the extent that it hurt him physically. He couldn't breathe, couldn't _move_ even though he felt like he had to.

 

Chris must've noticed Darren's sudden state of panic, because he sat up on the bed almost immediately, and helped him up into a seating position next to him. Chris squeezed Darren's shoulder momentarily.

 

“Okay, Darren, calm down,” he said so tenderly that Darren's heart wanted to burst with affection. “No need to panic. Breathe with me.”

 

He listened to pace of Chris's calm breaths and tried to match it. Air rushed back to him and he could breathe again, didn't feel dizzy anymore, and he leaned into Chris's touch. He cuddled into Chris where they were sitting, resting his head on Chris's shoulder. His stomach still hurt, though, hurt bad.

 

“Okay,” Darren said, taking a moment to figure out how to say _anything_ at this point. “Okay. I wanted... I wanted to get close to you again, and... I kept seeing you everywhere.”

 

“Yeah,” Chris said. “I saw you, too.”

 

Darren looked up into Chris's eyes, and they were calm. Calm, and still affectionate. Darren got a sudden urge to cry, because he realized that the way Chris was currently looking at him would change in just a matter of seconds.

 

“And I kept seeing you with the same guy.” Darren kept talking mostly to stop his emotions from accelerating out of control. “So, since I thought you didn't want to ever speak to me again, Joey and I agreed we'd try and talk to _him_. And then we did.”

 

Chris raised an eyebrow, moved away from him. Darren had expected that, but it was still like a punch in the gut. He sat up straight so that they were facing each other, and while Chris's gaze was stern and unfaltering, Darren avoided looking Chris straight in the eyes.

 

“You brought Joey into this?” was what Chris asked.

 

It made Darren feel even worse. Too many people were involved in what should have been between Darren and Chris, and it was Darren's fault. He just nodded solemnly, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, trying to find some strength within him to keep talking.

 

“What did Sam say?” Chris's voice sounded far-away, and Darren wasn't sure if it was his imagination or the fact that Chris was losing trust in both Darren and Sam.

 

Darren opened his eyes and took a breath.

 

“He told me what he did, what he--,” Darren rushed out. “That he hurt you, and that you were in love with him and that you only found me for some kind of rebound business and...”

 

“That's not what you were,” Chris said quickly.

 

Darren stopped, blinked.

 

“I can't believe you,” Chris went on. “What is this, high school?”

 

Chris didn't look affectionate anymore. He looked vengeful. Vengeful and tired at the same time. As if he was getting used to being hurt like this. And yet again, Chris was making Darren feel like a dumb five-year-old who apparently had no sense of personal boundaries.

 

“I'm not made of glass, Darren,” Chris said. “You could've talked to _me_. You could've manned up and apologized, and then maybe, _maybe_ I would have felt ready to tell you about Sam myself.”

 

Darren had never felt so stupid, so small, so extremely _lazy,_ but at the same time he felt a need to explain his actions.

 

“You're not exactly the easiest person to read, Chris,” Darren said slowly. “I... I thought you never wanted to see me again, let alone _talk_ to me. Besides, you've been pretty clear with how little I mean to you.”

 

“You're the one who leaves the room as soon as you see me at school,” Chris bit back. “You were the one to ignore me. From what I gathered, my little breakdown in the bathroom freaked you out so fucking back you didn't want to talk to _me_.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Darren let out an unamused huff of laughter. “You basically told me to go fuck myself the last time we met.”

 

“And you know why now, don't you?” Chris snapped.

 

Chris's glare was _ice_ , freezing through Darren and making him regret every word that came out of his mouth.

 

Darren was just defending himself, which was down-right childish at this point. Chris was a person with flaws and emotions and none of this was fair to him. Darren regretted the way he'd brought this up already, how he acted as though Chris was the one at fault. But his mouth had a tendency of running away with him the way he'd tried not to ever since he'd accidentally hurt Chris last time.

 

“God,” Darren said with a sigh. “I sound like a jerk. I'm such a fucking jerk. I'm sorry.”

 

Chris sighed, gaze dropping to look at his hands, the way he squeezed them into fists and then released, repeatedly.

 

They simply sat there, half-naked on Darren's messy bed. They'd long forgotten how good they'd felt just a few moments ago, when they were busy with the rush of their orgasms and how amazing they were together and how much they needed the other. Now the bed felt cold, and their unresolved issues were dangling heavily between them.

 

Finally, Chris looked up with wet eyes.

 

“I feel humiliated.” Darren didn't recognize Chris's voice like this, all wrecked and sad.

 

Darren's breathing started to become panicky again. If Chris, who knew how to stop his emotions so well, couldn't stop _these_ , it meant that Darren had hurt him on a level that meant something.

 

“You went to my best friend just to get out the scoop on me,” Chris continued. “Just to find out why I'm so fucked up?”

 

“No, no, Chris, I just wanted to-”

 

“Wanted to get some closer evidence that you're not the one who's wrong, that I'm the bad guy? Or did you go there so that he could tell you just how fucking undesirable I am?”

 

“Please just stop,” Darren pleaded weakly.

 

Chris closed his mouth tightly and stared Darren down, breathing heavily from his nose. His eyes were still wet, betraying the attempted rage he tried to convey through his voice. Chris wasn't angry. He was sad. And that was what got to Darren the most.

 

“He didn't--- I knew it was wrong as soon as I went over there,” Darren said. “I swear. He only said that you guys... That you were in love with him and he wasn't in love with you and that you hooked up with me to get over him and--”

 

Darren stopped when Chris's face scrunched. Tears were falling freely down his cheeks now. Darren reached out to touch, to comfort, but Chris flinched away. He scooted to sit on the edge on the bed, his back to Darren and just a couple of steps from leaving again.

 

“I went a long way from my hometown,” Chris spit out, and the way he was speaking through his sniffs and sobs almost made the words indecipherable. “Tried to get away from my old life. Make the shit stop. But there's shit everywhere.”

 

Chris stood up, and Darren immediately followed. He couldn't let Chris leave, not this time. Chris looked back at him. They were both breathing heavily, shallowly, trying to control their emotions. All Darren wanted was to be able to look Chris in the eye without being met by down-right poisonous resentment.

 

“Chris,” Darren pleaded.

 

Chris's brows furrowed sadly, and his bottom lip quivered the way it had in the library bathroom. He was trying so, so hard to keep it together, Darren realized. Chris was close to leaving, just at the brink of feeling too much to stay, but he was still there. That had to mean something.

 

Darren walked up to him, daring closer, swallowing his fears.

 

“I wish I hadn't found out this way,” he said. His heart beat so loudly he could barely hear his own voice. “But I don't think less of you after what Sam said. You're still you, and I still _want_ you, Chris.”

 

Chris shook his head, blinked, looked up at the ceiling. Darren put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face him.

 

“I want you,” Darren repeated. “I don't care that Sam was an asshole to you, or what kind of shit you've been through before that. None of that was your fault.”

 

The corners of Chris's mouth turned downwards and his brows furrowed deeper, his eyes black and shining with tears. Something about Chris's reaction seemed as though no one had told him that before. As if no one had gotten close enough that Chris would even consider letting them know enough to try to reassure him, and here Darren was basically forcing himself into Chris's headspace. Darren didn't know whether to estimate that as something Chris needed, or if he was just being an inconsiderate jerk.

 

“None of that matters to me, because you're you,” Darren said. “You're you and I'm... falling for you.”

 

Chris's expression changed, then. His features smoothed out, and even though his eyes were red from crying and his face was flushed, there was now something tangible about him. He was reachable.

 

Darren dried the tears off Chris's cheeks. He squeezed at his shoulders with both hands before he wrapped his arms around his neck, thread his fingers into his hair and held him. Chris released a scattered sob, breathing quickly to cover it up and undo it.

 

“I swear, Chris,” Darren said. “I'm not going anywhere.”

 

And as he finally leaned in to kiss Chris tenderly, Chris met him halfway and crashed their lips together.

 

The kisses were hard, at first uncomfortably so, but needed. It was as if Chris was taking out his anger through the kisses, so Darren slowed them. He held the back of Chris head and just pushed their lips together, sweet and still, letting Chris cry and shake into them.

 

“I'm just so,” Chris whispered, breathing wetly, “exhausted.”

 

Darren rested his forehead against Chris's, a soothing thumb caressing his cheek. Chris's arms wrapped around Darren's waist, making Darren's heart leap.

 

“I'm not perfect, Darren,” Chris sniffed, and their eyes met.

 

“I'm not asking you to be,” Darren said.

 

Chris exhaled through his nose and closed the gap between their lips gratefully. Darren slid his tongue into Chris's mouth and the wet sounds of their lips smacking and tongues licking and exploring one another filled the room. Darren breathed in, his body suddenly remembering how these kind of sounds and touches usually affected him, and his hardening cock pushed against Chris's hip through his jeans. Chris hummed back, a hand going down to feel at Darren's package, and Darren whined into Chris's mouth.

 

“Do you forgive me?” Darren asked suddenly, which was probably a little weird given that his aching cock was in Chris's grasp, but he had to ask.

 

Chris pulled back and looked at Darren steadily, pressing his hand harder at Darren's cock.

 

“For talking to Sam about you,” Darren clarified. “It was uncalled for and... I'll never do it again.”

 

Chris kissed Darren and squeezed him through his jeans. Darren moaned inappropriately, too far gone to keep focused on what was important.

 

“We'll talk later,” Chris said. “Okay?”

 

Chris could've asked for just about anything at this point and Darren would be fine with it. He nodded, his state of arousal definitely getting the better of him. And so Chris pushed him back down on the bed to undress him, to fuck him, and to make himself feel good if only for the time it took for them to come together a second time tonight.

 

Anything to chase that feeling of being wanted.

 

*

 

TBC


	7. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After fall outs and misunderstandings, Chris and Darren are left in an odd place, both addled with their own yearning for forgiveness.

When Darren awoke he expected an empty bed. He expected a text message with a fleeting explanation, if even that. Before he opened his eyes, he braced himself for the emptiness of his previously full bed. As he prepared himself mentally, he planned on getting up for another shower. The one him and Chris had shared yesterday had been so intense and hot that they pretty much forgot about the washing up part and had only had time to have the water run over them long enough that they felt acceptable, and then Darren had gotten on his knees and sucked Chris to climax again. After that they were so exhausted they practically fell into bed.

 

The bed shifted, and Darren felt another person's weight behind him. He could hear the even breaths of someone still sleeping, and before Darren's nervous heart caught up with what was happening, an arm came to snake around his waist, a chest pressed up against his back, and a nose nuzzled the back of his neck. Darren swallowed and kept his eyes closed. This was a good, good dream. It felt real. It was as if he could actually feel Chris's presence. He took a few deep breaths to calm down. He had to stay calm, or else he'd wake up.

 

Chris's fingers trailed a soft line from Darren's soft belly up to his chest. His hand then flattened on top of it, caressed it, as Chris pressed a kiss between Darren's shoulder blades.

 

“Sleep well?” Chris murmured, his voice a little raw from sleep.

 

Darren just hummed in response. He felt a chuckle vibrate onto his back.

 

“Sleep _ing_ well?” Chris corrected himself, giggling.

 

Darren exhaled happily, but then Chris rolled off of him, away. Darren jolted up into a seating position immediately, eyes open wide.

 

“Nuh-no, wait,” he managed to splutter.

 

And Chris was still there. On the edge of the bed, just putting his socks on like it was no big deal.

 

“Good morning?” Chris smirked, and leaned backwards.

 

Their faces were leveled evenly in this position. Chris's eyes crinkled from the way he was smiling genuinely, and Darren smiled back.

 

“Good morning,” Darren said.

 

He pressed a gentle kiss to the soft pads of Chris's lips, lingered with eyes slipping shut, and pulled back. Chris hunched forward off the edge of the bed again, looking for something on the floor and finding a T-shirt that he pulled over his head. Darren slumped back onto the bed and released a breath.

 

“Are you going?” he asked, eyes closed.

 

Chris didn't respond, and Darren sighed again. Chris was the master of raising hope just to tear it all down again. Maybe Darren was just too hopeful, too quickly.

 

Darren didn't have time to finish his train of thoughts before a body pressed into his side again, and a hand came to cup his face. He opened his eyes as Chris tilted his chin to face him. Darren blinked slowly, afraid to smile just yet.

 

“I am,” Chris said then. “I'm going to the gym and then I have work.”

 

The corners of Darren's mouth turned upwards slightly, and Chris smiled back. He leaned down and opened his mouth, and Darren copied his expression. They kissed, tongues first and mouths second, surprising both of them with its accidental intensity. Darren's arm came up automatically, hand landing on Chris's side and grasping for purchase. Chris breathed hotly onto Darren's lips but pulled back, eyes locked on Darren's.

 

Darren let out a soft whine that made Chris smile.

 

“I'll text you later,” Chris murmured.

 

Darren was grateful. Because Chris never said those kind of things. He never told Darren where he went when they weren't together before. He never promised a follow-up to when they'd met. But today, after everything, he did. Watching him walk out the door felt better because of it.

 

Darren wrapped his arms around himself where he stood by the front door after Chris had left, after they'd exchanged glances that said that they shared _something_ , something else than they had before.

 

And Darren's heart beat with promise.

 

*

 

Darren didn't realize Joey didn't know about his and Chris's meet-up until their first class on Monday morning when he asked how things had gone with Denise. Darren had smiled with furrowed brows at the question. His first instinct had been to lie. He wanted what him and Chris had to himself. But he changed his mind.

 

He couldn't keep lying to people about himself. There was no mistaking it, Darren was in love with Chris. He'd fallen headfirst and there was no way around it. And all of those emotions were such a big part of him now that they couldn't be kept from people. If people didn't know about their relationship, they didn't know _Darren_. Not that Chris and Darren were exclusive. But still.

 

“I actually didn't meet up with Denise,” Darren answered Joey's question.

 

They were at the back of the lecture hall, and their professor had such a thin voice Joey and Darren were kind of wondering why they were even there. They couldn't hear anything. The professor screwed up the powerpoint over and over again. But the seats in lecture hall were _comfy_ , and Dylan and Lauren were there as well.

 

“What about Denise?” Lauren asked.

 

“Eavesdrop much?” Darren groaned.

 

When it came to Denise, Lauren always got _ridiculously_ interested. She spewed her hatred towards her and groaned whenever her name was mentioned, yet she seemed to be Lauren's favorite topic to discuss.

 

“I think everyone in here can hear you better than Mr Richardson, anyway,” Lauren shrugged. “Now, please don't tell me you and Denise are a thing.”

 

“We are not,” Darren said, and Lauren audibly sighed her relief. “But we're friends, so I'd appreciate it if you stopped bashing her all the time.”

 

Lauren opened her mouth to protest (and probably rant about what a bad influence Denise was), when Joey stopped her.

 

“Save your breath,” he said, and then he glanced at Darren. “I'm really trying to hear what he's saying, okay, you guys?”

 

Lauren closed her mouth again and gave Darren a look that said _this isn't over._ When Darren turned to smile gratefully at Joey, Joey had this expression that Darren hadn't seen on him before. He wasn't exactly angry, but Darren could tell Joey knew that there was something Darren wasn't telling him.

 

After class, Darren was just about to grab Joey by the arm and drag him somewhere that wasn't as crowded to tell him everything that had gone down after he left saturday night. But then Sam was there, and Joey smiled wider than he had all day as they greeted each other with a fist-bump. Sam nodded at Darren, and Darren nodded back as he attempted to hide his less than pleasant surprise from showing through.

 

Sam and Joey left, and Darren was left to stare at their backs when they were walking away. He didn't get to mope for long until Lauren tugged at his arm and demanded to know more about him and Denise, and he complied to her wishes and sat down with her outside the lecture hall until the next one started.

 

It was easy to start thinking about other things, but then again Lauren was a force of nature when it came to gossip. Darren was grateful for it now. He hated having things unsaid, especially with Joey. The hardest thing was not knowing _what_ to tell him. Yes, he told Chris that they'd talked about him. And then what?

 

They weren't anything yet. Darren wanted them to be everything, but the outcome of their night together hadn't been that different from what it usually was. It had felt different. The sex had been better, because they'd missed each other and then everything was out in the open.

 

But if you disregarded all of that, they were ultimately back to square one. Fuck buddies. Chris had said they were going to talk, but how long could Darren wait? How long were they going to dance around like this, time and time again?

 

*

 

To Chris: _Are we going to have that talk now?_

 

From Chris: _Come to my place and we'll see._

 

To Chris: _Your place, huh?_

 

From Chris: _That's right. See you later._

 

*

 

It was a progression. It was small and long overdue, but it was a progression. When they first met Chris had complained about having too many people around, but when Darren and Chris got to his place it was very much empty and suited for one. Chris briefly explained that he'd worked something out to get a single dorm and that it suited him a lot better, and Darren was not one to complain. Not having to worry about getting walked in on? It was heaven.

 

And then Chris's mouth was on Darren's, and fuck he knew just how to make Darren forget the reason he'd went there. It hadn't been for sex. It had been to talk, to get some redemption, to be forgiven. If Chris held a grudge against Darren now he had a weird way of showing it, but Darren still needed to hear the words.

 

He didn't want things to be unsaid.

 

“Chris, wait, slow down,” Darren panted when Chris pushed him up against a wall and attacked his neck.

 

Chris didn't slow down. Instead his hands went to grope Darren's ass.

 

“Seriously, I just--,” Darren tried.

 

“Can't it wait?” Chris asked. “Later, D.”

 

Darren groaned. His body said yes, yes, _yes_ it could _so_ wait, but something in him stopped those feelings from getting the better of him.

 

“Just... What are we?” Darren asked, and Chris stopped, an incredulous expression on his face. “Okay, I know how stupid that sounded, but...”

 

Chris sighed and kissed Darren slowly, two hands coming to cup his face gently. Oh. Darren tilted his chin forward, and Chris's tongue entered through the seam of his lips. Darren exhaled through his nose and furrowed his brows.

 

“We're nothing, Darren,” Chris said, but the way it was whispered against his lips so tenderly took the weight off the statement in a way that made Darren question if he had heard him correctly. “We don't need to 'be' anything. You're getting what you want from me, and there are no hard feelings between us.”

 

It was so easy to believe that Chris's words made sense when they were said between loving kisses, but Darren still sniffled, sighing his frustration.

 

“You mean something to me,” Chris whispered, the words small in volume but so, so big and powerful because they thundered straight into Darren's heart. “But I'm not ready to... to...”

 

“Okay,” Darren interrupted him, and kissed Chris's cheek.

 

Darren hadn't thought about it that hard before, but Chris's eyes were so blue and piercing, and the way they stared at him now made Darren want to cry and smile simultaneously. Chris looked grateful to have been interrupted.

 

“I'm not going to ask you to do anything you aren't comfortable with.” The words felt flat and big on Darren's tongue, hard to press out, be he had to.

 

If he wanted to get anywhere with Chris, he had to.

 

But he wanted _more,_ though. He didn't know why Chris had such an easy time with being with him like this without putting a label on them, especially after he'd just been in a hassle with someone who didn't want to be _his_ boyfriend. Darren was right here, open for the taking, and Chris was just dipping his hands in every now and then, thinking that was enough.

 

But then Darren's brain reminded him of those words Chris had said last time, how he'd been crying so hard before they'd been uttered.

 

_I'm not perfect, Darren._

 

And there was a lot behind that. A lot that, even though Darren had gotten the general idea of what Chris's college life had looked like so far, Darren didn't have a clue about.

 

“What do you want, Darren?” Chris asked, kissing down Darren's jawline, sucking hickeys and grazing teeth.

 

It felt like a trick question that shouldn't be taken into _literal_ context. In literal context, Darren wanted to call Chris his boyfriend. Darren wanted to hold hands with Chris and spend one night with him that didn't include sex. Darren wanted to get to know Chris on his own.

 

“Tell me,” Chris urged.

 

“Just... Fuck me,” Darren said. “Please.”

 

He didn't have time to hate himself for being such a coward until Chris started to undress him, all grinning kisses and dark, lustful eyes.

 

Apparently, it had been the correct answer.

 

When they'd gotten down to their underwear, Chris lead Darren into his room. Despite having Chris's mouth and hands on him, he couldn't stop himself from letting his eyes skim around and take in its contents. He didn't know what he'd expected of what Chris's bedroom would look like. He hadn't really thought of it before, and now that it was right in front of his eyes he wondered why he hadn't.

 

There were pictures on his desk. Framed photographs of people Darren had no idea who they were. Some looked like older relatives while others looked about Chris's age. Mostly girls. Chris's desk was messy with a laptop open on top of it. He'd expected that much from a creative writing major.

 

“What are you doing?” Chris asked.

 

He pulled his mouth away from Darren's neck. He was on top, straddling his hips with two hands feeling Darren's chest. Darren didn't say anything at first. His eyes were still roaming Chris's bedroom, and Chris followed his gaze.

 

“Who are those people?” Darren asked, nodding towards the framed pictures on his nightstand.

 

“Family,” Chris shrugged. “Friends. Why does it matter?”

 

“I don't know,” Darren said. “I guess I never thought of your family before.”

 

“Who says you have to think about them now?” Chris asked, and to prove his point he ground his hips down so that his crotch pressed up harder against Darren's.

 

Darren let out a gasp, and then a short laugh.

 

“I just...,” Darren started, thinking. “Is it that strange that I want to know more about them?”

 

Chris smiled down at Darren with something that resembled fondness in his eyes, but then he kissed Darren hard on the lips.

 

“I haven't met them in long,” he said once they parted. “They're all back in Clovis.”

 

“Clovis?” Darren asked.

 

“Yeah, Clovis, California,” Chris said. Darren looked up at him and he was blushing for some reason. “Big town, small-minded people. Close to Fresno.”

 

“I'm from San Francisco,” Darren blurted out, so excited about knowing another detail about Chris he didn't know how else to respond.

 

It made Chris grin, though, and it earned him another chaste kiss.

 

“Of course you are,” Chris murmured.

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” Darren laughed, because he knew exactly what it meant, and grabbed a handful of Chris's hair and pulled him close again, lying down on the bed so that he was fully covered by Chris's body.

 

Chris moaned softly, hands squeezing Darren's shoulders and he pressed against his crotch again.

 

“You make me feel... stuff,” Chris murmured when his lips skimmed Darren's neck.

 

It had been faint, and it didn't really mean much. Darren wasn't sure if he was even supposed to have heard it, but how could he not? And hearing the words brought tears to his eyes, and his heart beat harder and he needed to kiss Chris _now._

 

“God, already?” Chris asked when Darren started to whimper with desperation.

 

But then he looked up at Darren's face and Darren didn't look like he was about to come at all. His face was practically glowing, a radiating smile stretching his lips and wet eyes blinking back at Chris. Chris swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing visibly. Darren breathed in, suddenly nervous, but Chris at least didn't look appalled. He looked more as though he was trying to understand what was happening, and Darren's reaction to it.

 

And then Darren made this face, where his lips closed tight around his mouth and his brows furrowed sadly, happiness still glowing from him and it made Chris emotional as well. He kissed Darren on the mouth softly, and Darren released a wet breath into the kiss.

 

“Darren...,” Chris whispered, a hand coming up to card through his hair.

 

“I'm so sorry for everything, Chris,” Darren said, speaking in rushed words. “D-did you talk to Sam? Are you guys all right?”

 

“He told me.” Chris's voice was normal and even, contrasting the desperation in Darren's.

 

Chris sat up from Darren on the bed, legs crossed, fingers scratching his his left forearm. The moment was over, so Darren wasn't disappointed. They had to talk at some point. They were going to talk. They were _talking._

 

“And I...,” Chris sighed. “I forgave him, like, straight away.”

 

Darren felt a weird twist to his insides when Chris said it. Sam still meant more.

 

Chris seemed to notice the change in Darren, and he rushed to defend himself.

 

“I'm not in love with him. I swear it.”

 

“Then why aren't you forgiving me?” Darren asked, the corners of his mouths pulling downwards even though he was trying to fight it.

 

“Sam's been my best friend since I got here,” Chris said, and he sounded more apologetic than anything. “He knows more about me than anyone does and... I know he always has my best interest in mind when he does things. He explained it to me.”

 

“But what am I, Chris?” Darren asked, and he sat up as well, hands resting in his lap. He looked into Chris's eyes.

 

“But I do forgive you,” Chris said, trying to change the subject.

 

He looked the way he had when Darren had seen him out in public after their second time together. As if he was attempting to be something he wasn't. He didn't put up the mask he usually did. He looked earnest and concerned looking back at Darren, pressing his lips together like he was trying to think of a reason to shoot him down.

 

“Don't you think I notice how you get with me nowadays?” Darren asked, completely forgetting to feel relieved at having been forgiven. He he inched closer, taking Chris's hand. “It's different...”

 

As if on cue, when Chris looked up at Darren something was exchanged by the way they looked at each other. This _something_ that seemed so prominent when they were together, that made Darren so sure of how he felt about this gorgeous man in front of him.

 

“You feel it too.”

 

Darren wasn't going to play more games.

 

“I--,” Chris stuttered, staring down at their locked hands, trembling. “I've been hurt, Darren. How do you know you'll feel like that when I give up and do it your way?”

 

“Chris, I can promise you,” Darren said slowly, “that I'm not in love with the hunt. I'm in love with _you_ , and I'm saying that because it's true.”

 

A beat.

 

“I know.”

 

Chris barely breathed it out, and then he looked up at Darren again. Darren stared straight back, and even though Chris didn't have the words within to tell him how he felt, Chris believed and understood him when Darren said how much he meant to him.

 

“I'm not... In the mood anymore,” Chris said, changing the subject. “Do you want to just watch a movie or... go to sleep or something?”

 

Darren leaned forward and kissed Chris, holding his hand tightly, and Chris let out a startled little giggle against his lips.

 

“Oh, you're going to change my mind again,” Chris said, kissing back a smile.

 

Darren's hands went up to cup Chris's face and he smiled back.

 

“How about we fuck first and _then_ watch a movie?” he asked.

 

“Fine by me,” Chris smirked, and fell on top of Darren on the bed.

 

*

 

Darren and Chris still didn't talk about their relationship with others the following week, but this time Darren felt better about it. He spent some time almost every day with Chris, mostly at his place, and he found out so much about him. They discovered their mutual interest in musical theatre, TV, and literature. It was a long overdue discovery, but once the bond was made over a couple of serendipitous squeals of delight when they zapped to a channel showing a re-run marathon of the first season of Downton Abbey, they obtained an ability to be completely silly together. Darren hadn't realized how much they'd been lacking without it, but now that they could lie on Chris's bed and laugh until their stomachs and cheeks started cramping just from doing stupid british accents or discussing various plot-holes in the Harry Potter series (and how the emotional significance of other parts in the books totally made up for them), it was as if a space between them had been completely and utterly filled, almost bursting at the seams.

 

They started texting regularly, in a different way than before. Joey noticed, but there was still something between him and Darren that kept them from mentioning it. It was as if Joey was regretting trying to help him to get them together, now that he noticed how much closer they were getting. Darren figured Joey was just being a good friend, deep down. There was something unsettling, still, about the way Chris refrained from labeling them. But Darren understood better now. He didn't understand _all_ of it, but when Chris looked at him with those sad, unsure eyes he couldn't convince himself that it was a good idea to press the questions further. If Chris had something dark and heavy weighing him down whenever the subject came up and it managed to completely break him one day, Darren didn't trust himself to be able to pick him up again. He knew that starting yet another fight on the subject would cause a mess, and Darren didn't like to make messes he didn't know whether he could clean up again.

 

Chris and Darren were good together. They laughed, they fucked, they kissed slow and sure and Darren loved him. Never for the life of him had he figured that a guy he first sucked off on the bathroom floor at a college party would end up meaning this much to him, but he did. It was an exception, a weird happenstance, and even if Chris hadn't exactly been in a good place when it happened, Darren was starting to believe that Chris was happy it did. It was the way he smiled genuinely, not the pretty kind of smile but the _face crinkling up and double chin peeking through and eyes watering_ kind of doubling up laughter, that was when Darren knew him and Chris were meant to be together, and he was happy they were. Whether or not Chris wanted to call them boyfriends or state his feelings for Darren the way Darren always did, sending a ' <3' at the end of every text and whispering things when they were just about to come, Darren wanted Chris in his life. Chris's feelings had a way of radiating from his eyes when he felt them the most. Darren couldn't ask for more. They were happy.

 

*

 

Darren started to notice a change when he asked Chris to attend a party, however. They never did that. They had progressed from not being able to look each other in the eyes when they ended up in the cafeteria at the same time, of course. Now they could have a small conversation that was just a small fraction of everything they wanted to say, shy playful smiles that changed when they got to be alone together. They never willfully went places together unless it was Darren's or Chris's apartment.

 

Chris's wall built up when Darren had asked. Darren had thought it was about time. They were friends, best friends now that Darren felt such a strain with Joey, and Chris seemed to defy every inclination that they were two people who could be seen together without something horrible happening.

 

“I'm just not ready,” Chris said, and that was always his resort.

 

Playing on that phrase, this state of being 'ready' that he never seemed to reach.

 

“It's just a party,” Darren groaned. “We don't even have to go together. We can just... go there and end up meeting there? Several people have seen us grinding up against each other at parties.”

 

Chris thought for a moment.

 

“I could be grinding up against you right now,” he then smirked, and wiggled his eyebrows at him from across the couch.

 

Darren chuckled, but shook his head.

 

“We just shared a big-ass pizza,” he said. “If I move right now I'll either start farting up a storm or pull a muscle. Or both!”

 

Chris's face scrunched up in disgust.

 

“Unless you never want me to fuck you again, don't ever say that in my presence again,” he warned, still staring oddly.

 

Darren poked Chris in the leg with his foot and smiled teasingly. Chris rolled his eyes, but the shadow of a smile showed through his poor attempt at indifference.

 

“Okay,” he said after a few moments of silent banter (which included wiggling eyebrows, smirks, disgusted faces and ending with Darren pulling out the big guns: puppy dog eyes). “I'll go. But only if we don't show up together.”

 

Darren smiled, but the feeling of victory was brief. There was a strain in being kept on a short leash. They were _just_ on the verge of ending this whole cat and dog thing they were doing. Only Chris wasn't being a very good cat, he never had. He always gave Darren wanted, for the moment, at least the momentary fraction of it. He'd fuck him, but he wouldn't call him his boyfriend. He'd attend parties with him, but they couldn't be seen showing up together. This was the reason Joey was still iffy about them. When Darren had been completely miserable, Joey had wanted to fix it best he could, and this wasn't fixing it, deep down. This was being on better terms and putting off the real problem, time and time again.

 

The sense of victory returned when Chris sat up, took Darren's hand, and kissed him full on the mouth, whispering “God, you're cute when you beg.”

 

And then all concerns about the pizza they had vanished, because they never really could keep their hands off each other when they were alone.

 

*

 

Darren ended up going with Joey. It was one of those big college parties that were held at an otherwise public venue, with a bar and two floors. It was payed for by people from several campuses, and it was one of the biggest events of the year in terms of getting so drunk you can't stand and having meaningless sex. Darren wasn't there for that reason, though. He was there because one, Joey had asked him, and now that they weren't that close anymore Darren took almost every opportunity at them rekindling what was about to slip out of their hands. And two, Chris was going to be there. Darren kind of felt like a douche for not putting his friend first, but Chris was a big part of his life. Darren didn't want to think about what decision he'd made if Chris had refused. Staying at home with Chris would have been awesome as well...

 

But now they were here, and Joey was smiling like he did after he'd had a couple of beers. It was a contagious air of happiness, that despite the fact that Darren had kept his drinking to a minimum, rubbed off on him. He wanted to stay sober for a while, at least until he met Chris and didn't risk having to go home early. He wanted to get _some_ time on the dance floor. He actually did want to grind up against Chris. Doing that with a bunch of people around them always turned him on, and it always ended up with them sweaty and intoxicated by the mere touch of the other.

 

And it wasn't bothering Darren to see his friends holler and shout at each other, laugh too loudly and dance more loosely than they usually did due to the alcohol, because he felt comfortable in this company. He trusted his friends, after all, and even though they gave him some smack for not accepting their offered beers, he knew they didn't care about how drunk he was as long as he was in on having just as much fun as the rest of them. And oh, Darren would be having fun. He texted Chris who responded almost immediately, saying that he was on the way there and was wearing his absolute _best_ skin-tight jeans. They were hard to get off of him, but when they were at a place where Darren had to restrain himself from ripping them off that was a good thing. He still got almost as good a view as he did when Chris wasn't wearing any clothes, anyway.

 

Okay, so maybe Darren had been talked into a few beers when Chris showed up anyway. Chris was, in his usual fashion, sober when he showed up with Sam and some girl he didn't recognize. Their eyes met across the room and Darren smiled an uninhibited smile, taking a step forward, but Chris shook his head coldly. It was a stab to Darren's heart, but he stayed where he was, and Joey put an arm around his shoulders and pressed a chaste peck to his temple.

 

“What's he doing here?” Joey murmured into Darren's hair.

  
They were standing there, watching as Chris turned around (his ass looking fantastic) to talk to someone. Darren was comforted by the physical touch from Joey. Even though Joey was verging on embarrassing-drunk, his arm over Darren's chest made him feel protected. It made him feel close to Joey in a way he hadn't in too long.

 

“I invited him,” Darren confessed. “He agreed to be here if we...”

 

“What, fuck in the bathroom?” Joey scoffed, his annoyance completely uninhibited by the liquor.

 

“No,” Darren said, but he didn't have it in himself to fight.

 

Chris's dismissive shake of the head had left him vulnerable, and he didn't want someone else to turn on him.

 

“Still, he made a deal out of it,” Joey groaned, sighing over-dramatically and resting his chin on top of Darren's head. “All these compromises on your behalf...”

 

“Stop,” Darren said. “Please? He makes me happy.”

 

Joey's hand went up and squeezed Darren's shoulder, and then he faced him. Darren looked up with a soft smile, trying to show him that _he was okay, really,_ even if he knew Joey didn't buy it. It wasn't easy to try to convince someone that loved him that someone with such a strong ability to hurt him was good for him, in the end. But that was what it was. It didn't matter how Chris treated him at this point, because Darren knew who they were together when they were alone.

 

Joey smacked Darren lightly on the cheek the way he only did when he was drunk and they shared a smile before Joey turned to talk to someone else. The party was really picking up at this point. The music was pumping and loud and more and more people were getting drunk enough to dare their chance at the dance floor. The musical theatre geeks had already been ripping that place up from the moment they walked in, but at a big party like this it usually took a while for the rest of the students to find their comfort zone there. Darren wasn't going to dance until Chris asked it of him, that was for sure.

 

After another fifteen minutes, Darren found himself alone, leaning against a wall. He hadn't seen Chris in a while, and he figured it had been because he kept hanging around his classmates and friends. Chris wouldn't approach him until he was alone, with a desperate enough expression on his face, and he was starting to think he'd passed that point about five minutes ago. He wanted Chris _now,_ his skin was crawling with it, and why had he gone to this party anyway? Getting to be with him in public was one thing, but if it took this long he would have been perfectly fine having Chris all for himself in the privacy of his bedroom.

 

Another few minutes passed, Darren's boredom growing stronger, when he felt a couple of hands grabbing his shoulders just as he looked the other way. Darren was startled, looking in the direction of the person suddenly on him, and it wasn't Chris. It was a girl, he could tell almost immediately by how different her hands felt on him, and she was slumping onto him, giggling into his ear.

 

“What are you doing here all alone, handsome?” she asked.

 

Darren swallowed, but grinned back, not really doing much to keep her off of him.

 

“Just waiting for someone,” he said, keeping the mood light.

 

She pulled back and looked straight at him. By the look of her fierce gaze she wasn't half as drunk as she pretended to be, and Darren had to keep his face from visibly humoring her.

 

“Yeah? Was that someone me?” she asked, giggling lightly.

 

Darren laughed, because wow. He really had to hand it to her. She knew how to twist words into her favor.

 

“Actually--” Darren started, but then her tongue was down his throat.

 

Darren didn't have time to react before her hands were grabbing at his hair and her hips were swaying and grinding up onto him. Darren's hands were hanging uselessly by his sides for a moment before he put them on her waist, trying to push her away, but it only seemed to spur her on. Until she was suddenly ripped off of him by an incredible force.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Darren blinked. His lips felt sticky from her lipgloss and he took a deep breath.

 

It was Chris. Of course it was Chris. One of his hands were on the girl's shoulder and he had that stern, sure look on his face that made Darren melt inside. The girl took a step back, but she wasn't giving up.

 

“Uh, excuse _me_ ,” she said, annoyed. “But I don't think he plays for your team. So back off.”

 

Chris and Darren shared a look that meant they were thinking about every possible position they'd been in together sexually. Every time Chris had been inside him, the times they'd went down on each other, the rimming, the head-pressed-down-the-mattress rough times. And then they started laughing.

 

“Oh, you're... friends?” she asked, a hand on her hip and an eyebrow arched. “Then stop being weird and just help him with his game.”

 

“Actually, I am helping him with his game,” Chris said, looking at the girl. Then his gaze came back to Darren as he said; “He's my boyfriend.”

 

All the air was knocked out Darren's lungs in the best way possible. Chris and him shared that look, that look of complete consent, as if a puzzle piece finally found its match and they were finally folded together the way they were supposed to, not a single crease between them.

 

Their moment was interrupted by the girl's shrill voice.

 

“Oh, I'm so sorry,” she said, and when Darren managed to tear his eyes off Chris the girl was blushing. “I'm sorry, I was being so offensive and out of line. I didn't mean—”

 

“It's okay,” Darren and Chris said in unison, and then they chuckled again.

 

“Okay,” she said, and she looked sincerely apologetic. “I'll just... leave you alone. Have a great night.”

 

“You, too,” Darren said and nodded, the brilliant smile not leaving his face.

 

Then Chris took his hand, and Darren looked up at him. Chris was... suddenly everything he wanted him to be. He was this strong, bold person that was vulnerable, and Darren was his boyfriend.

 

“Wait, did I just hear that correctly?” came a voice behind them.

 

They turned and Sam, Joey, Lauren and Denise were standing there, looking thoroughly drunk but absolutely stupid with surprise. When Darren looked up to see Chris's reaction, Chris looked a little more guarded than before.

 

“Yes,” Chris said with a small smile, in spite of his obvious discomfort. He was still holding Darren's hand. “He's my boyfriend.”

 

He gave Darren's hand a tight squeeze, and suddenly he shone in a brighter light than Darren had ever seen him shine before. Darren didn't know what to do with the tornado of feelings inside of him, but then Sam, Joey, Lauren and Denise were clapping their hands and hooting and hollering and suddenly the applause spread across the room, people shouting and laughing.

 

Ninety-eight percent of the people clapping had no idea what they were applauding, but it made Darren feel warm inside. Before he knew what to do with himself Chris turned to him and placed a soft, closed-mouthed kiss on his lips and Darren kissed back with more intensity than he ever had without using tongue before. Darren's arms wrapped themselves around Chris's neck and they kind of stood like that for a while, Chris's arms snaking around Darren's waist, eyes closed and hugging. It was a lot nicer like this, without any feelings separating them, allowing them to mold into each other and fit so much better than before.

 

“I swear I'm not drunk,” Chris whispered into Darren's ear. “I kind of wish I was, though. That applause was too much.”

 

When Darren laughed, tears he didn't know he had in him started to roll down his cheeks and the sound came out as a mixture of a laugh and a sob. Chris rubbed his back reassuringly.

 

“I'm kind of drunk,” Darren admitted.

 

“Let's get you water,” Chris hummed, their hands locking as they pulled away from the hug, walking towards the bar.

 

Once they sat down at the bar with one large glass of water each, their legs tangled and their sides pressed together, Darren realized he'd never been this happy. His gaze flitted over the room. It was way too dark in there, even if every spot of the room was alight with Darren's happiness. Chris seemed so comfortable, in spite of it all. They kissed a few times, and Darren started to calm down from each gulp of water and every moment passing since that rapid acceleration of emotions that Chris's confirming their status as boyfriends had brought on.

 

“Let's get out of here,” Chris whispered into Darren's ear, and Darren nodded.

 

He wanted Chris to himself now. He wanted him above him, unclothed and close, he wanted him _inside_ , pushing in with certainty and the reassurance of boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. _You're as much to me as I am to you._

 

They went up to their group of friends to announce their departure, and was met by another round of happy shouts and pats on their backs. It seemed a lot more ridiculous now that Darren was sobering up, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling like a dork despite of it. There was a certain feeling the sound of applause lit inside of him. It was the reason he wanted to be a performer, anyway.

 

When they were just outside of the venue they found Lauren and Denice with their arms around one another against the wall. Darren stopped in his tracks, blinking a couple times. The hand linked with Chris's dropped and he kind of just stared, not understanding.

 

“What's wrong?” Chris murmured into his ear, looking the direction Darren was staring.

 

Darren wanted to shout at them, ask them what the hell they were doing, but then he was hit by the intimacy of the moment. They weren't kissing. They were just holding each other, standing close, not even noticing that they weren't alone anymore. Darren got the feeling he was intruding, so instead of asking questions he just turned, shook his head dismissively at Chris, and headed home with him. Because somewhere in his mind, maybe that was what Lauren's resentment had been about all along?

 

*

 

Darren and Chris had been tired when they got home, but they were both intent on getting to have their moment before they fell asleep. They undressed by themselves until they were completely naked. Then they closed the gap between each other's bodies and kissed, both already hard, kisses loving and intense, swallowing each other's every staccato-breath and reciprocating every accidental thrust of hips.

 

Darren was under Chris, and he had never appreciated a tongue in his ass as much as he was right now. Chris was pushing, sucking, licking, all the while squeezing at the clefts of his ass and holding him open. Darren's feet were kicking involuntarily in a way they hadn't before, and he had to make sure his eyes were open because if they weren't head drown inside the sensations and come before Chris had gotten the chance to fuck him the way he wanted him to fuck him.

 

When Chris looked up from between Darren's legs, he smiled and the muscles in Darren's legs relaxed a little bit from the pause.

 

“You ready?” Chris asked. “Ready for me to lube you up?”

 

“Uh-huh, yeah,” Darren said.

 

They hadn't talked much since they left the club. They'd been silent on the walk home, hand in hand. Nothing needed to fill the silence. Darren was so _content_ that he, for once, felt like he didn't need words to come across the way he wanted to. Chris was on the same page as him. Darren hadn't asked what had made Chris decide to call him his boyfriend. Was it out of jealousy? Had the possibility of Darren moving on to someone else, right there in front of his face, brought him to realize that he didn't want that? The questions were there, somewhere in Darren's mind, but he didn't have it in him to voice them now. He didn't need to know. The way Chris was so sure of himself, not seeming to regret or doubt anything that had happened that night, calmed Darren enough to not need to ask anything.

 

And then Darren's hole was slick and open for Chris, and Chris's cock was lubed up and good and then his cock was pushing into him with little to no resistance.

 

“God, you're good,” Chris moaned.

 

Darren's legs were hooked up on Chris's shoulder, intensifying every one of Chris's slow thrusts, hitting his prostate perfectly each time he pushed in far enough. His feet started doing that kicky-thing again, and Darren's breath hitched.

 

“So, so good,” Chris said again, voice lower and more collected this time. “You're all I want. So good, Darren.”

 

Darren moaned, eyes opening to stare into Chris's icy blues, and here they were.

 

“You're mine,” Darren whispered suddenly, surprising himself with the choice of words.

 

“I am,” Chris said, and then he picked up his pace.

 

Darren moaned, and Chris sucked on a spot on Darren's neck. Darren groaned, pushing his hips upwards and meeting Chris's thrusts as he went faster.

 

“Want you so bad,” Chris murmured, fucking Darren harder. “Gonna come in you.”

 

“Want you to,” Darren managed.

 

He was completely trapped underneath Chris, held down and vulnerable in a way, but the way his legs were hoisted up and tight between his and Chris's bodies he felt more secure and protected than he ever had. And then Chris's hips snapped and twisted, and he was coming in Darren, and Darren felt a hand wrap around his cock and he was stroked into climax by just a couple of more jerks and deep thrusts.

 

Chris stayed inside him. Their orgasms had been surprisingly silent, Darren realized as they were lying there, kissing wet and slow. Darren had a weird sensation of complete exhaustion, contentedness and love, just love as they lied there. Chris slipped out of him and slumped next to him, hands going to feel between Darren's legs. Darren hummed against Chris's lips, feeling oversensitive but enjoying the attention.

 

“I'm still kind of scared you'll hurt me,” Chris said suddenly.

 

Darren opened his eyes, and Chris's hands went away from his hole. Chris didn't look scared, though. He looked like Darren felt. Tired, happy, in love. So Darren smiled.

 

“But then I realize,” Chris said. “That I've hurt you a lot more than you've hurt more. I've just been more... Vulnerable. Easily shaken.”

 

“You've been through a lot,” Darren said, and their hands locked between them. “I'm not mad.”

 

“I know,” Chris said. “What I'm saying is... I... I'm asking for your forgiveness.”

 

Darren opened his mouth to protest.

 

“For being so slow,” Chris interrupted. He didn't look angry at himself, he just seemed as though he'd taken a step back and really looked at himself and his actions, and it made Darren feel good. “For being... unsure of things. For letting my past get to me, and all of that affecting you in the end. I'm sorry for all of that, Darren.”

 

“I forgive you,” Darren said without hesitation. “I forgive you as long as you're mine.”

 

“I'm yours,” Chris said.

 

They looked at each other, smiling, and Darren was so glad he wasn't hurting. Nothing hurt. The space between them was smooth and soft, and it allowed Darren to lean in and for them to share one final kiss before they settled in with each other.

 

And then they drifted off to sleep.

 

*

 

THE END


End file.
